Jesus and the Disinherited

"Sincerity in human relations is equal to, and the same as, sincerity to God. If we accept this explanation as a clue to Jesus' meaning, we come upon the stark fact the the insistence of Jesus upon genuineness is absolute; man's relation to man and man's relation to God are one relation. A death blow is struck to hypocrisy." Howard Thurman

Whoah.

I want to be a sincere person. I strive for authenticity and honesty and open-heartedness and integrity. Sometimes I am granted the grace I need to actually be those things. Other times, not so much. Mostly I fall, trip and stumble in my internal thought life. I love a good analytical fest up in my head where no one else can hear my ridiculous questions, or my judgmental opinions, or my selfish rationalizations, or...false explanations (lies?). But, if my relationship to others in it's most raw form is equal to my relationship with God, then I am a part-time fake when I come before Him. I pray to Him silently, in my mind. The same mind that gives space for all of my insincere ways....I feel a pinch in my heart. right. now.

Community. I keep learning, and relearning what this means to me...and then, learning and relearning that my understanding of it is NOT universal and others who have true community wouldn't explain it the same way as me. Yet, at the center of it all is grace and sincerity...not just with one another, but with Jesus Christ first of all.

I want to live a risky life for Jesus. I want others to look at me and think I'm/we're (me and the hubs) a little nutso for taking the Gospel so literally. As the years go by and our family grows and our seeming "obligations" or "responsibilities" would justify us dumbing down our crazy Jesus-following habits...may it never be so. In our Christian sub-culture it's easy to talk about the longing we have to love Jesus by living counter-culturally. It's also very easy to get a pat on the back and a, "that's understandable" when you talk about how your mortgage, paying for your "needs", and providing for your family keep you from having enough time to truly flesh out the Gospel. Talk about lacking genuineness. I am guilty.

I believe the Bible shows us that Christians should live like Jesus...who befriended the outcasts, had dinner with the poor, loved His enemies (on top of FORGIVING them), cared for the orphan and widow.... We should look like that. If we are claiming to follow Jesus and we aren't doing those things we lack integrity. We aren't sincere. How can we follow Jesus without mimicking His example? Maybe through following lots of rules and attending church like crazy. maybe. but...probably not.

I am not going to wait for the stars to line up and for the wall to suddenly have written upon it "Jenni, follow your crazy yearnings to change your corner of the world.". I think I've been before, but once again I'm ready to be genuine.