embracing the moments

The Stars in my World!

2011-12-05T14:32:00.000-08:00

What happens at the table....

2011-12-05T14:30:00.000-08:00

I’m trying to just soak it in, but, like anything, there are days when I do and days when I just miss the beauty because I’m over taken by the chaos.
Baysil doesn’t like what is served at dinnertime. She was an adventurous eater when she was learning. Some of that, I’m sure, was due to the fact that she was anxious to be on solid foods. She was teething at birth, had teeth and sat up at 3 months old, crawled at 5 months and was walking fluidly at 10! Eating solids was one of those things (and there was/is a long list) her older bros could do and she was determined to do it to. So, I could get away with lentils and asparagus…anything really…as long as she was eating BIG GIRL food.
Those days are gone. She now looks at her food for less than a second and pushes it away and says, in a dramatic whiney voice that’s been perfected, “I don’t like this….” And then I say my rehearsed response which the entire family could mouth mockingly with me, “But you haven’t even tried it yet. You need to at least try one bite because you might like it.” And then she says “No.” and we go back and forth like this until finally she resolves to skipping this meal and holding out hope that there will be an offering of a snack later….like a banana or a chunk of cheese to keep her through the nite. If not, it doesn’t matter…she’d rather hold to her convictions of knowing what she does and doesn’t likes without so much as a sniff or a lick.
During this time the boys are wrestling themselves to their seats after they’ve come crashing into the dining room which only happens after a small bathroom water fight which they innocently refer to as: “washing their hands.” They’re basically superheroes and spend a few hours each day scaling trees and soaring off jungle gym platforms and flying high on the swings…so, their appetite is a bit more ferocious than lil’ sister’s. This helps them at least take a few bites of whatever it is we’re having. I’d say it’s about 50/50 with the twins and 65/35 with justice as far as not liking/liking it goes. And by “liking” it I mean “they eat it”. But, I know that’s normal.
At the same time I begin my inner-wrestling match of trying not to take it personally. I mean, I work hard to stay within our grocery budget each week and so each meal is carefully calculated and strategically planned with hopes of strengthening and pleasing this little audience. We are also homeschooling our 4 kids, Jason works part-time and we co-direct a full time ministry here in Houston (www.missionyear.org). So, fitting in time to cook during the day is definitely an effort. When it all gets done on time and we finally have a few minutes to savor the nourishment of body and soul together as we gather around the table, I feel attacked by the onslaught of criticism coming from my kids even if it’s all typical and proving them to be on track developmentally.
Don’t get me wrong, I receive a TON of gratitude and appreciation from the adults in the house. This is the most convicting part about it all, actually. I would easily bet money that I hear “thank you” more than anyone else on the planet who cooks dinner on a weeknite. Seriously. Plus, if I don’t hear it immediately, there are notes sprawled on the wipe board in our shared kitchen with things like “DELICIOUS! THANK YOU FOR A YUMMY MEAL! MAKE THIS RECIPE A STAPLE! YOU’RE AN ITALIAN COOKING GODDESS.”…you know, the usual. To make wallowing even worse, on the nights that the kids are a fans…the praise is magnified and repetitive in typical little kid form.
So, why do I find it so hard to just accept that cooking for young kids isn’t an easy win? It’s probably as simple as admitting to being self-centered. Did I prepare the food to receive praise or for serving others? Did the actual process of slicing through locally grown organic produce penetrate my soul and remind me of His delectable provision and creative care of me and my family? Sometimes I really do connect those pieces. Sometimes I find myself washing a GINORMOUS head of bok choy in our kitchen sink in awe that it all began with a seed. The Lord’s magic grips me for a fleeting moment before I hear : “I need to go poop mommy” or “We were playing freeze tag and he’s supposed to be frozen but he keeps running around anyway.”
What does it look like to prepare food for my beautiful family with a heart of service and thanksgiving? I think it looks like pushing past the announcements of who isn’t interested in dinner tonite and the regurgitating that sometimes follows that hard-earned, compliant, first-bite. .. and asking “ What was the best part of your day?” and then sharing about mine. It looks like taking the time that we’re all sitting there together to really thank someone for what they meant to me that day. There is always a reason to thank each of them, but I don’t always do it….and especially not at dinner. Maybe if I stopped making it about me and said, “Thank you”….
Thank you Baysil for running up to me when I was leaving for a meeting today and cupping my face in your hands, putting your nose to mine and saying “I love you mommy, when you come back we’ll snuggle, ok?” I could never describe the warmth I felt in that mini-moment. You seem as tough as iron, but you have this immeasurable, resilient and energetic love that inspires me.
Thank you Kiah for flashing me a million-dollar, dimple smile in the van today when I was goofily singing along to Mr. Steve trying to get a grouchy sibling of yours to laugh. It wasn’t working and I was about to put that effort to rest, when I looked in the rearview and locked my eyes with your beautiful brown ones. Your generous and freely appearing smile melts my heart. Everytime.
Thank you Boaz for being so quick to volunteer to help me today. You bounced off your chair in the middle of coloring a masterpiece and ran to rescue your lil’ sister who was struggling to drag the laundry basket to the livingroom in order to be folded. My hands were full, she was asking for help and you rose to the occasion with joy. What an amazing man you’re becoming.
Thank you Justice for spontaneous hugs that point to the miracle that has been done in your life. I was unloading the silverware and in the middle of one of the most mundane moments of my day you skipped into the kitchen, wrapped your arms around my waist and squeezed for no reason at all. In and of itself, that’s beautiful. When that picture collides with the way I know it all began for you, I am dumbfounded at your acceptance of God’s lavish love and healing in your heart.
Jason Scott. There comes a point in every day, it seems, that I’m on the verge of “losing it” due to the never-ending responsibilities that is our life. You are never shaken by that. Your strength, and hugs, and listening ear feel so much like Jesus’ touch in my day. We were running late for our doctor’s appointment for Boaz and there were 50 things left to do (it did feel like that many, didn’t it?) before we could require that everyone got buckled and strapped in the van. I was lashing out in my irritation with the process and how it lacked finesse (as if we ever seamlessly exit the house for anything these days?!).
You didn’t retaliate; you just kept working towards the goal with a graceful and gentle love that changes me. Thank you. Thank you.
I love our meals together, even if it it looks more like musical chairs and a taste test than a traditional Cleaver family dinnertime. I love the chaos and the noise and the time we share in one small space at one full table interacting. I know these days are fleeting and that it won’t last forever. I want to soak it in. I want to gather around the table with each of you. What a gift it is…may I always be aware of it….even if you skip eating. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

a singing prayer....

2011-11-13T14:28:00.001-08:00

Recently my son came home from school (co-op) on a Tuesday excited to sit down before dinner and teach us how to pray. He sang a sweet melody of 10 words and then all of us joined in. My 3 yr old daughter had it memorized the 2nd time around and sang it as loud as she could. All 6 of us were holding hands and singing "God our Father, God our Father...Once Again, Once Again....Thank You For our Blessings, Thank You For our Blessings....Amen, Amen." That's it. Perfect.

Why Homeschool?

2011-09-19T17:48:00.001-07:00

The boys began their 3rd year at a public Montessori school this fall and a month into it we pulled them out to homsechool them. There was no dramatic falling out or extreme injustice as it might appear since it was pretty abrupt and so early in the year. Truth is, we've wanted to do this for years.

I did homeschool my kids, before they went to school after all. I take great pride in the fact that I tirelessly sung my ABC's, read stories until my voice was hoarse, collected red blocks then blue and then orange and then green, walked around the grocery store asking "What rhymes with can?" or "How about Peas and Cheese...do those rhyme?", I covered our table with art paper and let them go nuts with finger paints, we kicked balls, made popsicles, and practiced counting cheerios. It was natural and they absorbed everything they could. We were born to learn, that is obvious. We were also born to discover, to experience, to create, to move, to interact and to love.

I love the school my boys were at. The community, the teachers, the educational approach that seemed to balance freedom and guidance. It is a good place. However, it's still a school. There are still 20 something 3-5 yr olds in Boaz's class. There are still teachers trying to fit into the system of checks & balances, bound by TAKS tests and regulations. There is still lice and germs and profanity and broken homes. There was love there too. My boys all found a few good friends for sure. The diversity is rich and beautiful there. I miss it already. The rainbow of colors found in the skin of classmates, the pronunciations of lovely ethnic names that need repeating, the curiousity about why people celebrate different things...or the same things, differently. So amazing.

The teachers all loved my kids. They aren't perfect, I have no false ideas about that. But they are good. They are sensitive. They work hard and respond well and care a lot. They are boys...and get wild and playful at inopportune times, but they were loved by those teachers.

Yet, those teachers could never love them the way Jason or I do. Not that they should, but really....with 20ish other kids swirling around a room...it's hard to pay attention to a well behaved, on track academically, soft spoken little boy. Not that they weren't noticed or praised, but, the truth is....I wanted to be there. Jason did too. I wanted to watch them learn, praise them, give them freedom to explore and ask questions and find answers, and for them to really know their little sister who was left at home when they were at school each day. From the moment they walked out the door, she wondered when we could go and get them. We love to be around our kids. Period.

We also know them. We know that Kiah could plow through an assignment while standing on his head spinning a basketball with his toes and that Justice would do better with 15 minute breaks and incentives. We love knowing that Boaz is a team player and does best with a working partner at his side and Baysil wants to do it all herself. Here, at home we can meet those needs more often. We can include them in our curiousity about their Mexican heritage and research it together. We can include them in our ministry with the Mission Year teams(www.missionyear.org)and discuss God's heart for the poor with them and why our friends do what they do. We can let Justice go crazy reading the encyclopedia and take it a little more slowly with those math facts. Who says he needs to learn this then and that now and this in 6 months from now in this specific way and format? Today he wanted to know what bulls eat and why some whales have 2 blowholes...and tomorrow we'll look it up and find out.

I don't have a "here's why" answer for "how come you switched?". It's just not that simple. However, it's basic. This is it. Justice will be 18 in 11 years and I was having a hard time swallowing that he would be spending nearly 40 hours a week over 9 months a year at school during that time. WOW. Each day when they left, we missed them and each night when we had 4 hours together as a family...it didn't seem like enough. We were rushing and cramming and spinning at a pace that is not what we were made for. Sure, I love a good break from my kiddos. Who doesn't need one from time to time? That's not what this is about. I will say, though, that homeschooling has slowed us down and it feels so much more consistent with our values not to be rushing around trying to check education off our to-do list this fall. It's a way of living and learning. After spelling words and copy work and reading this morning, we walked 3/4 of a mile to the park...looking at bugs and asking questions about the rain the whole way...and then we played tag and walked all the way back. Recess? Life.

Jason is so on board and in many ways he is also way more into the planning and teaching and preparing and strategizing. He's a teacher in his God-given gifting. We do have a flexible schedule which allows for us to be a team at this. I'm not taking this on alone as a mom, but we are taking it on as a team...as parents and CO-PARENTS. I'm so ridiculously blessed beyond what I deserve.

I don't think homeschooling is THE WAY, or the RIGHT THING for the world. It is right for us Shaffers. That much I know.

today i'm....

2011-08-27T18:47:00.000-07:00

....accepting His peace that flows like a river onto my restless, weary, overwhelmed, and undeserving soul....

So long summer

2011-08-27T11:51:00.001-07:00

Summer is over and I have a long list of reasons for being overwhelmed with what I can see ahead of me right now. The next few weeks promise to be crazy. Yet, crazy can be good. It doesn't have to be a whirlwind void of laughter, meaningful moments, sweet connections, and more. It could be crazily jam-packed with such great things and not at all a negative season of busy. I am choosing to make it that and hope to follow through. The summer was sweet, yet, in my memory so were all the months before it that went by so swiftly.

"More and more, the desire grows in me simply to walk around, greet people, enter their homes, sit on their doorsteps, play ball, throw water, and be known as someone who wants to live with them. It is a privilege to have the time to practice this simple ministry of presence. Still, it is not as simple as it seems. My own desire to be useful, to do something significant, or to be part of some impressive project is so strong that soon my time is taken up by meetings, conferences, study groups, and workshops that prevent me from walking the streets. It is difficult not to have plans, not to organize people around an urgent cause, and not to feel that you are working directly for social progress. But I wonder more and more if the first thing shouldn’t be to know people by name, to eat and drink with them, to listen to their stories and tell your own, and to let them know with words, handshakes, and hugs that you do not simply like them, but truly love them.” ~ Henri Nouwen

2 dogs, 4 adults, 6 kids

2011-07-04T21:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Sunday. Monica was working. Eve was in the stroller out back while Jeff worked in the yard. The boys and Jason cleaning the garage. Me, Blythe and Baysil upstairs putting laundry away while dancing to the Beetles on itunes.

Blythe and Baysil ate dinner together, giggly and girly while the boys happily shared their rowdy meal at the table in the other room. Sometimes a little seperation helps keep the sanity....just a little...and just sometimes.

The Shaffers kids are asleep so Jason and I mop the floors and pass Jeff as he's changing the light bulb in the bathroom off the kitchen. The house is "quiet" as night falls....

When morning comes Baysil helps Monica and Blythe dip strawberries for the party. If you look out our kitchen window around the same time you'll find Jeff raking the leaves with Boaz and Kiah each armed with their own rake mimicking his every move. Jeff hoses off the chairs and Jason and the boys run to get ice.

The kids need some down time to survive the evenings fesitivies so we put in some veggie tales and the adults rotate in and out of the shared livingroom, taking turns rearraning tables and chairs, chopping avacadoes and setting out chips, one more quick time around with the wet swiffer and another peak at the kiddos....

The party begins. Friends arrive, the table keeps getting decorated with generous food additions, the kids all play joyfully together and eat ice cream. We take turns holding Eve and I take extra turns because I just can't get enough. The party's over, the kids are tired. Blythe and Baysil head upstairs to the Shaffer's bathroom for a girl bathtime adding tons of points to this jackpot day. Jeff tackles the kitchen, Jason picks up toys with the boys and corales them upstairs. Monica feeds Eve and gets her all ready for bed. The girls are clean and I join the kitchen repair efforts and in a blink we're all together again, in our one kitchen, all 10 of us, laughing, telling stories, intercepting arguments over sharing toys. Two families...one shared life.

One cat fight over flower headbands and a few boy rumbles over ocean creatures tells us it's time for bed. The neighborhood boys are still playing ball in our driveway as we stumble up the steps. The nite ends with Jason and I and our 4 kids smashed on our big bed reading a story and saying a prayer before tucking them in. A million other steps I didn't recall of how it all goes down...and how it wouldn't be complete without eachother. Just the 10 of us.

summa time is a GO-OO-OOD time

2011-06-18T18:48:00.000-07:00

Jesus and the Disinherited

2011-06-04T06:01:00.000-07:00

"Sincerity in human relations is equal to, and the same as, sincerity to God. If we accept this explanation as a clue to Jesus' meaning, we come upon the stark fact the the insistence of Jesus upon genuineness is absolute; man's relation to man and man's relation to God are one relation. A death blow is struck to hypocrisy." Howard Thurman

Whoah.

I want to be a sincere person. I strive for authenticity and honesty and open-heartedness and integrity. Sometimes I am granted the grace I need to actually be those things. Other times, not so much. Mostly I fall, trip and stumble in my internal thought life. I love a good analytical fest up in my head where no one else can hear my ridiculous questions, or my judgmental opinions, or my selfish rationalizations, or...false explanations (lies?). But, if my relationship to others in it's most raw form is equal to my relationship with God, then I am a part-time fake when I come before Him. I pray to Him silently, in my mind. The same mind that gives space for all of my insincere ways....I feel a pinch in my heart. right. now.

Community. I keep learning, and relearning what this means to me...and then, learning and relearning that my understanding of it is NOT universal and others who have true community wouldn't explain it the same way as me. Yet, at the center of it all is grace and sincerity...not just with one another, but with Jesus Christ first of all.

I want to live a risky life for Jesus. I want others to look at me and think I'm/we're (me and the hubs) a little nutso for taking the Gospel so literally. As the years go by and our family grows and our seeming "obligations" or "responsibilities" would justify us dumbing down our crazy Jesus-following habits...may it never be so. In our Christian sub-culture it's easy to talk about the longing we have to love Jesus by living counter-culturally. It's also very easy to get a pat on the back and a, "that's understandable" when you talk about how your mortgage, paying for your "needs", and providing for your family keep you from having enough time to truly flesh out the Gospel. Talk about lacking genuineness. I am guilty.

I believe the Bible shows us that Christians should live like Jesus...who befriended the outcasts, had dinner with the poor, loved His enemies (on top of FORGIVING them), cared for the orphan and widow.... We should look like that. If we are claiming to follow Jesus and we aren't doing those things we lack integrity. We aren't sincere. How can we follow Jesus without mimicking His example? Maybe through following lots of rules and attending church like crazy. maybe. but...probably not.

I am not going to wait for the stars to line up and for the wall to suddenly have written upon it "Jenni, follow your crazy yearnings to change your corner of the world.". I think I've been before, but once again I'm ready to be genuine.

inconvenience

2011-05-23T19:21:00.000-07:00

Recently our Team Members took an hour and a half bus ride to a Peace Festival going on in Houston. The event lasted about 3 hours. Then they took an hour and a half bus ride back home.

3 hours of traveling for a 3 hour event.

Solidarity.

What used to be their choice for convenience (meaning, they'd drive their our own car) is gone and suddenly life moves much more slowly. This can often be a source of irritation even though all of our TM's signed up for this willingly. While any of them might be happy to head to a Peace Festival sans the long bus ride, under this slugglish transporation system a request to be in attendance is questioned. Will it be worth it? Did we really need to spend 6 hours of our day for this?

When people unite for a common cause, things happen. When we as Christians learn of a group of people gathering together to promote peace in our city, our presence is non-negotiable. What can often end up becoming a mere political event requires those of us who love Jesus to be there, to point it all back to Him, to join the conversation, to take action, to be a part.

To those struggling with the burden of inconvenience these days: In a few months you'll be likely driving your car again. It's not wrong. But, don't be irritated by the inconvenience you chose to embrace this year. Be changed. Be humbled by your commitment to ride the bus for a year and your option to never ride a bus again. Press into that place in your heart that gets annoyed at long travel times and replace it with an awareness of how privileged you are. With your privilage get over yourself and change the world.

What would you say?

2011-05-04T18:27:00.001-07:00

6 years ago Jason and I made a vow that grew out of our experience with some homeless friends. It was a simple vow. We committed to always having food and/or water in our car available to pass out to a hungry or thirsty fellowman. It seems to be a direct request from Jesus that we react when we know or see someone hungry, thirsty, naked... This was a simple way we could respond as we drove around our city. Daily we see men and women who fall into this category as we merge on and off the highways.

Our kids, who were not around when we first started this, quickly caught on to the mission. In their toddlerhood they became the "delivery team". We'd pass back a granola bar or bottle of water and roll the window down a bit as a hungry friend wandered over to them to receive our weak offering. Kids often bring smiles to even the most expressionless faces. Plus, it was OUR kids, who are cuter than average if I do say so myself! :)

Once they left toddlerhood, they became the "lookout team". Sometimes in the most inconvenient moments they will call out "I see someone who's homeless" (like when we're turning the corner in the opposite direction of the person they spotted.) My husband has said, on numerous occassions, "When they notice someone, we have to stop. That is a huge thing for them to be recognizing and learning to react to." He's wonderful.

It is rare, despite stereotypical assumptions, that our free food or drink is turned down. Normally it is joyfully or sorrowfully accepted. If we have time to ask for a name, we do. The reaction breaks my heart each time. Sometimes people forget. Sometimes there is a long, painful pause as if they haven't been asked that in forever and find it shocking. Sometimes it is reciprocated and there is a hand shake and a feeling of crossing boundaries that are sinfully thick. That is a victory.

There are times that our stash runs out and we delay in restocking it. It is humbling to have nothing to give when there is an audience of kids in the back that expect us to be ready. Recently, such was the case.

We pulled up to a stop light and a homeless man stood right outside the driver's window. He held a sign that said something about "every little bit helps." Jason picked up one of our good water bottles that was full for our park destination with cool purified water from our sink at home. It was a HOT and humid Houston day. He rolled down the window and offered it to the man who was visibly sweating.

He looked at it and shook his head no. Then he pulled out a bottle of hard liquor and began to chug it all the while staring us down.

My son said, "He's not thirsty, he has a drink. He needs some food. Maybe we should give him money since we ran out of cereal bars."

A million things went through my head as I digested my son's innocence and confusion as to why people are without homes and food and family...

We've explained it to them something like this: "Well, people are homeless for lots or reasons. Mostly people don't share well. There are lots of people with lots and lots of food, money, and things and then there are also lots of people with no food. Since we have food, we know we must share it with someone who doesn't to help this problem. Sometimes people are homeless because they lost their job or because their parents were homeless or because they were really sad and that made them make bad choices or run out of money to pay for a home."

In this moment it seemed like a more direct and mature explanation was required and my tongue was stuck. What would you say?

Lent

2011-03-23T12:42:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to post this for weeks. Better late than never.

This Lenten season I've been a bit more aware.

Sometimes awareness is so weighty, heavy, constant...

We cannot know the fullness of the celebration without engaging the suffering.
Darn it.

On Ash Wednesday we went to church to gather with other Christians who wanted to pause and begin a journey together towards the celebration that Easter demands. While we were there we read beautiful writings...some from scripture. One of the ideas deeply struck me. In heaven will I weep for not having been sorry enough for my sins? Will I mourn because I cheapened the lavish grace and unmatched sacrifice of Christ by not fully acknowledging the sinner I am.

It was my sin that held Him there.

With a growing love for my Savior I am so excited that Easter is coming. What a day to celebrate! It is the day that marks our release! The bondage is no longer...

God the Just is satisfied to look on Him and pardon me.

In the last few weeks I've been on a very personal journey through Lent. It has revealed a few things to me. The hardest one to admit is my insecurity. I've always seen myself as confident. I am generally a solid conversationalist, I've had an easy time making friends, I am not afraid to voice my opinion, etc.

Yet, it's in my face as clear as day...I am insecure. The details about what shakes my confidence have never been so clear to me. I am not completely what I thought I was.

So, now I begin to seek for my identity in Christ anew. Jesus covered my insecurity on the Cross. May my false self, my ashamed self die with Him as I become more of what I was intended to be.

Thank you Jesus...

love this quote (& picture!!)

2011-02-01T11:28:00.000-08:00

"In raising my children, I have lost my mind but found my soul."
Lisa T. Shepard

Some GIRLS have ALL the luck...

2011-01-24T11:48:00.000-08:00

This lil' firecracker also known as my daughter, Baysil Peace (so appropriately named after an Italian spice)...has it all. Beautiful blue eyes, dimples, playful-affectionate personality, serious opions and a killer vocabulary for a 2 year old, not to mention incredible passion about EVERYTHING...and the icing on the cake? the most amazing 3 big bros anyone could ask for. I adore these kids. It has been A-MAZING to discover them as they discover themeselves and reveal, little by little, who they uniquely are. Boaz, with his charm, assertiveness, sensitive and reckless ways. Kiah, with his charismatic expressions, artistic tendancies, flexible superiority and indepndent nature. Justice, with his internal intellect, observant habits, curious questions, mechanic inclination and tenderness towards his lil' sis. THey are a killer-quad and I couldn't feel more thankful to be their mama!

grieving...

2011-01-18T12:35:00.000-08:00

It's like feeling an ache in your body, but you can't quite figure out where. It's like making eye contact even though it feels like your eyes might float away. It's real and elusive.

This week I felt some grief. I sat cross legged with one who was grieving. I listened across the table with glistening eyes. I sat in a silent car because there wasn't much to say. What a privelage. What a heartache.

I cannot imagine the highs and certainly not the lows of this life withoug community. We are created for it. We need it. We can't survive without sharing the load and we can't know the depth of pain unless we know the joy of true friendship.

We also cannot begin to experience being fully alive without each other. To know what it's like to get to the otherside of sorrow and celebrate is where we find that sense of wholeness. A celebration, not of streamers and cupcakes, but of lightness in your soul...it's that smile that's left on your face long after you've been asleep. It's true life.

Today I repeat to myself "He is near to the broken-hearted. He is near to the broken-hearted. He is near to the broken-hearted." To my dear friends who are broken-hearted...may you be unable to deny that promise through an over-whelming peace today.

A cup of gasoline with that quarter-pound burger?

2011-01-09T11:46:00.000-08:00

"Cows in feedlots eat grains like corn, soybean meal and barley, which mostly are grown on large industrial farms fueled by petroleum. By one estimate, it takes about 5 pounds of grain - and a quart of gasoline - to produce 1 pound of- beef in a conventional feedlot system.

Pasture-raised cows, in contrast, convert grass - produced through the energy of the sun - into a food that human bodies can use. This process uses fewer or no chemical fertilizers or pesticides, requires much less machinery and water, and produces less soil erosion and pollution - while utilizing land that may be fine for grazing but not suitable for long-term cultivation."

from Simply In Season
A world community cookbook
By Mary Beth Lind and Cathleen Hockman-Wert

"Eating is a moral act, and sometimes a religious act. Just as I believe that bread and wine are transformed in the Eucharist, so we may be transformed - transformed into people of compassion, people who see what others overlook, people who can begin to trace the vague outlines of the prophetic vision of the reign of God where justice and mercy embrace and a grand table is sent. Where bankers sit next to farmers, boder gaurds converse with the undocumented, and ranchers share toasts with environmentalists."

- Br. David Andrews, Executive Director, National Catholic Rural Life Conference

Dream a little dream...

2011-01-07T17:33:00.001-08:00

or a HUGE irrational one. What's the harm in it? Actually, I'm finding it's a very good & valueable thing to do for my soul. Lately, I feel as though I'm coming out of a fog...the sky is clearing and the haze is lifting and all I see is crazy possibilities.

I believe my God delights in this. When my planning, realistic, limited thoughts about where my life is going start to crumble under the passions and desires that stire deep within, it's good. I've gotten used to the stirring in many ways. I could rattle off my "passions" and then quickly give a detailed explanation of why I'm not pursuing them with recklessnes. Yet, recently I've began to give in a little. To let go a bit of what I feel like is insurmountable and embrace the dreams. And they keep getting bigger...

In the Old Testament & New, the Lord speaks through dreams in very specific ways. He often said crazy things & made ridiculous requests of people. The example of Mary and Joseph is fresh on my mind having just celebrated Christmas. While Joseph sleeps an Angel tells him (In a DREAM) that he should go ahead and marry his fiance who has just gotten pregnant through a miracle that did NOT involve another man. Oh, and drag that pregnant woman across the country via horesback. CRAZY! But, Joseph didn't wake up and dimiss it all to his deep slumber. Simply, he ran to get Mary, get married and go on that long journey.

So, these dreams I have...they don't occurr when I'm asleep...those usually involve purple rhinos and 12 foot tall ice cream cones on a spaceship or something like that. I'm talking about the times that I'm quiet in my heart and even more silent in my soul...a whisper. A thought. A DREAM...a possibility of what might happen if I let go and do something crazy in order to show the world His love and His Way...when I begin to imagine it with more & more detail...I start to feel alive. Funny thing is...I didn't know I felt less than that. I had no idea there was more "Alive-ness" to experience...until I dreamt.

One time I dreamed a little dream...of marrying this great guy I had been dating even though we had broken up and no one thought we'd get back together...I dreamed a little dream of leaving my comforts to know the brokeness in Atlanta, GA...I dreamed of who might be waiting for us when we began foster care for 2, no wait, 3 little ones...I dreamed a little dream of sharing life [the bills, the colds, the joys, the dishes, the meals and the laughter] with another family who wanted to dream about wrecking the world we find comfort in and replacing it with an uncontainable, radical Hopefulness...I am dreaming little dreams again and it brings me to the edge of my seat with anticipation.

Go ahead. Let your mind fine tune the dreams you've been too busy to have...let the details become clear and the vision evolve. Change your life. It's a new year...which means a new beginning. I hope by 2012, my life looks different...that it looks better...that it looks a tiny bit like God's Kingdom on earth.

Dream a little dream...

my life...

2011-01-02T13:18:00.001-08:00

What can I say??? I'm a lucky girl!

the good and the bad

2011-01-01T18:52:00.000-08:00

More than ever I find myself looking forward to Christmas "break"...which, in this season of my life, results in all 4 of my kids being home while both Jason and I are off work! Even though my eldest is only 6, he's old enough for me to know that time FLIES when it comes to raising children and he'll be 30 before I wake up tomorrow. So, the beauty of us all having down time together is screamingly obvious to me and I anticipate soaking it up months in advance.

I also cringe during the weeks leading up to it if someone sneezes or sniffles or coughs or complains of anything hurting b/c we've known way to many weeks "off" where we were all down for the count with a flu or some stomach virus or something else horrible. While there is nothing greater than us all at home together healthy and playful...there is quite possibly nothing more difficult than us all being home together terribly sick. THis is extra hard when your kids are young and sickness means they want you to hold them 24/7 and won't give you any warning when they plan to peuk and often cough right in your face and have extra meltdowns due to lack of sleep. My kids have gotten older, so it is getting easier to survive when they are sick. Even still, it's H-A-R-D.

This break we began all coughing our heads off...but, seemingly on the mend. Then Jason ended up with pneumonia and a sinus infection, Baysil ended up with RSV, Kiah had an asthma attack and now that those 2 weeks are wrapping up, Baysil puked 8 times today. Whoah.

However, I've had practice keeping my perspective in check during similar scenarios in recent years. I've fallen on my face countless times as I've let myself sulk, whine, and miss the small good things in the mix.

This time I was bent on salvaging the good things I could even though we weren't the healthiest bunch. You know what, God totally gave me the grace to do just that. Looking back, there were some really disappointing moments and some hard times, but I also see the crafts we created, the stories we read, the lights we drove around to admire, the cookies we baked, the songs we sang, the videos we watched, the pictures we colored, the laughter we shared...it was a good couple of weeks and an appropriate celebration of Jesus' love for us through his ultimate sacrifice of coming to earth as a baby to later die for our sins.

Happy New Year!!

tis the season...

2010-11-30T12:00:00.000-08:00

of coughs, colds, & other flu like symptoms. Our sweet house full of precious children has been "under the weather" for a solid month at this point. For the Shaffer kids that has meant one nite in the E.R., one day getting chest x-rays at the hospital, one minor surgery (ear tubes), loads of homeopathic medicine, a mega bottle of tyleonol & a few trips to the doctor. We're not out of it yet as all 3 boys still have a nagging nite time cough, Kiah has some new congestion, Baysil's dealing with some digestive track issues and my throat is on fire. But, we're making it and even more than that we are anticipating Christmas.

Jesus' birth is one of the most important events in History for us, so it has been the most natural thing to be full of building excitement as the day we mark His birth approaches. All the bedrooms are decked out with Christmas lites and each nite we gather the kids together to read a childen's book about Jesus' birth followed by some classic and truth-telling carols sung gloriously out of tune & straight from the heart. I get chills just thinking about it.

We've begun preparing for the month of December and plotting out our celebrations of the Messiah's life on earth. We will open up our home up for some shared meals, treats, joyful conversation and reflection. We will make ourselves available to be present. We will make cupcakes for Jesus on Christmas and plan to share them with those who may be feeling alone. We will slow down as the joy speeds up remembering what it means to know Him & the story of His life that saves and liberates us.

Sick or not, there is so much to be celebrating these days ahead. May we do it very well!!

thankfulness....

2010-11-23T13:07:00.000-08:00

I'm thankful for tears...and the listening ear of my husband...his countless hours spent quiet in front of me as I bear my heart...both the joyful and the sorrowful emotions that come like a tornado most times. He embraces my intensity (which he gracioiusly calls "passion") and loves this family first by adoring me the most!

I'm thankful for shared meals and a shared kitchen. When we nourish our bodies and souls at the same time, it's magical. I'm thankful for a big table...even though it often looks & feels like a game of musical chairs when the kids TRY to gather around it with the adults. I often resent the numerous amount of times I get up during a meal in the moment, but when my head is more clear and my hunger is satisfied all I can see in my reflection of dinnertime is the beauty of these days when my kids are small and meals are so lively and full of noise, seconds, thirds, spills, warnings and giggles.

I'm thankful for discontentment and the role it plays in my faith. I'm relieved when i feel so anxious to love Jesus better and long to really know, once again, what it's like to feel desperate for Him, to pray like that. I fear if the day comes that it's gone and I look in at what has become my life and see only the potential to be radical, to be a saint. I am so grateful for honest dialogue about these things and the way it helps keep me moving. I am grateful for life and the year ahead of me when I can, through His grace, make a bigger impact for the name of Jesus and His Kingdom.

Relationships, moments, healthcare,tire swings & our yard, employment, local farmers, anti-bacterial soap, a full house with lots of room, homeopathic remedies & good ol' ibprofun, Wilson Montessori school and the Turkey Parade, inhalers, pictures, friendship, a fire place, blankets, people, grace & flexibility, the anticipation of a new life, advent, transportation, marriage, family...these things leave me speechless and full of thanks.

it's been a while...

2010-11-07T19:04:00.000-08:00

There are so many stories to tell and beautiful pictures to share about our life over the last several months. I'm not even sure where to start so I just picked a few to upload tonite.

To sum up these pics;
1.) all 3 of our boys now ride w/out training wheels (and faster than speeding bullets)
2.) Everyone had birthdays!!! Our strong King Justice is 6, The "twinsies" are fabulous and 5, and Queen B (baysil peace) is a whopping 2 years old!
3.)Our kids live on PB & J sandwhiches and Bay is no exception!
4.)the new tire swing daddy rigged up in our front yard has already seen hours of fun and laugther from our boy-trio.

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parenting and roller-coasters

2010-08-23T12:36:00.000-07:00

I have a first grader.

I mean, this is normal. After a child finishes kindergarten they most certainly enter the first grade. But, it feels very strange and not at all "normal" to me.

I feel a lump in my throat and it's not the "growing up" part,...although, it's all connected. I can't wait to see who he will be as a man, what he will do with his life, who he will love, and what passions will drive him. I really look forward to knowing him as a "grown up". It's more the "independent/letting go/being needed less" thing. I desperately want to spend a full 24-130 hours telling Justice's teacher all about him, how to read his expressions, what his eyes can say, what he really means when he says this or that and a whole bunch of other things that might help her be an effective teacher to him. After all, I've spent years analyzing his every whim and reacting to his every move.

Parenting is so backwards. You have this baby who needs you for everything...and then you teach him how to do a bunch of things on his own and then he doesn't need you but you need him because you've somehow recreated who you are around being his little caregiver and nurturer.

If you ride a roller-coaster and let go of the safety bar, it's a lot more fun in my opinion. That little bit of extra thrill and risk really is invigorating to me. I guess I need to think about parenting that way. If I let go and embrace the feeling of less control, it might actually be exciting or freeing or even FUN! I know he is capable and growing and tender-hearted and Jesus' child. I know he will soar and I can watch, but I can't have him sit on my lap in the driver's seat. That's illegal! :)

So, to my sweet children. You are changing and it is right. I want to let you, support you, cheer for you. I'm trying not to stifle any of it, and the mistakes I make come from a deep place of loving you and loving being your mommy...ah'hem, I mean, Mom. But, I trust you. I've watched you become the young person you are today and it has been dazzling. You mesmerize me with the things you do and understand and explore. I am letting go of the bar even though it is against my instinct. I'm ready for the thrill of watching you be who you are becoming...of watching the process...and being there for it all, every minute.

8 years later...

2010-06-29T11:17:00.000-07:00

What started out so naively...as a gloriously drawn out conversation, lingering under the campus lights...trying to keep it going so it didn't have to end.
Has turned into silent talks...times that no words have to be spoken for paragraphs to be exchanged and a beautiful "conversation" with no end in sight.

We used to dance in the moonlight, giggle at the sight of one another and hug as if it was our last chance...
Now we fall asleep side by side, tend to the 4 precious souls entrusted to our care and our love and our partnership...we soak up delirious laughter on the other side of tearful dialogue when life is heavier than we ever imagined it would be.

Back then we argued over little things...
wait, we still do that. But, now we also forgive the ugliness that we didn't know was there when we thought we knew all there was to know...about ourselves and each other. There is so much freedom to be who we are as time and life has tested the commitment we share, proving it to be rock solid though dependent on Him.

We used to complete eachother's sentences...and now we complete eachother's responsibilites and obligations and tasks too. We took care of one another when we felt sad or hurt...and now we take care of one another in our sickest hour.

We divide and conquer, we laugh and cuss, we pray and yell, we skip meals and showers to make sure our kids are loved well...we sacrifice and celebrate...and when 5:00 rolls around, and our lives can be witnessed by one another once more...my heart still does flips.

You are my best friend because you know me better than I know myself and love me, really love me, still.

As you put it so many years ago..."I'm totally crazy about you"...

and so much more than that.

I love you Jason Scott!
Happy Anniversary!!

What matters most

2010-06-18T18:07:00.000-07:00

Summer is such a beautiful time for our family. My husband only goes to the office on Mondays during June and July. I know, that is an AMAZING treasure. What a gift we've been given...6 days a week together as a family.

In the past, as June approached this horrible "To Do" list of ours turned into a monster. It grew and grew and we would trick ourselves into thinking that we could be involved, intentional, and patient parents AND accomplish about 75 home-maintenance projects all while reading books we've waited years to open, keeping all of the laundry folded and put away in dusted dressers. Do I even need to add that this would all happen while our marriage would be the strongest it's ever been? After all, we are home together each day...we should be super connected and in tune with one another. That darn monster...it would growl at me when I'd be trying to fall asleep at nite...either making me feel irritated that our floor was buried in washed and unfolded clothes or disappointed that I was short with my son when he wanted my attention during my attempt at accomplishing a "project". No. We needed to kill that monster!

And we ARE!! No "to do" list this June. This very minute there are 4 loads of laundry needing to be folded and put away, but instead we just keep digging in there for what we need as we need it. AND...it is day 5 of saying, "we are going to clean the upstairs today" and not getting it done...AND being okay with what we chose instead.

We've done a few things well since June began almost 3 weeks ago. We've played with our kids very well. We've been at the pool, quite literally, EVERY DAY! Somehow siblings forget how to fight in the water and parents go backwards in age. I love being there with my family. We've laughed hard. A few days ago I was sitting on the couch with my oldest helping him practice his reading when he said "The sky was full of cows"...when he should have said "clouds". I chuckled and he got this ridiculous case of the giggles. I mean, he thought that was the funniest thing in the whole world and before I knew it, I did to. We sat on the couch...our shoulders pressed together...with tears coming out of our eyes from laughter...

Don't get me wrong, I do hope to get some reading done, some projects finished and our upstairs area spic-n-span.I am not against being productive, UNLESS it is at the cost of the things that matter most.

Happy Summer Days To You!

Getting ready for Summer...

2010-05-09T18:46:00.000-07:00

with ice cream, bike rides, and more ice cream! We LOVE summer!

Mother's Day with a twist...

2010-05-09T10:58:00.000-07:00

Oh how I love hugging my sons on Mother's Day a few extra times and extra tight. To receive their doting and sweetness is an unmatched privilege. However, the whole day I feel a lump in my throat.

Somewhere out there, there is a woman with my three sons on her mind. There is a mom with OUR (hers and mine) three sons faces etched in the memory of her heart. There is a mother who carried and gave birth to her three sons...my three sons. I can't explain how that feels, you just have to walk in it to really get it.

I fear them believing the lies of this world, especially the one that says they would be loved more by Jason and I if we shared DNA. Yet, to avoid the reality of their journey is to undermine the beauty of it. If I fail to bring up their birth parents, to share what I know, to acknowledge that they are adopted...then, I communicate, silently, that there is some sort of shame involved.

The day before Mother's Day I sat across the table from my son Boaz who asked me, "When I was a baby, was I this little?" and he held out his hands about 6 inches from one another.

The truth is that he and his twin brother were born severely early and perhaps they were that small. But, answering the question demanded that I address this hard truth. In his past there is something very, very broken...and something very, very redeemed, whole, and healing.

So, I took a deep breath, uttered a quick prayer, and reminded him briefly and gently that he was adopted, so he came out of his birth mom's belly and I wasn't there yet. I told him I didn't know him until he was almost 1, but now I am his FOREVER mom and I can hardly handle how happy and joyful that makes me.

This morning at church, Shauna Neiquist shared about our call as a community of believers to rejoice together and mourn together. She pointed out that sometimes it happens at the same time with the same person. Mother's Day can be one of those days for many people.

I can't say that I feel mournful on this day, but there is some sort of twisting in my soul. It's wildly complicated and deeply spiritual. I vow to pray for my sons' mother every mother's day...as a way of reminding myself to stay true to the story no matter how hard it is to believe sometimes. It is what was written and every peice of it matters to the author.

Jesus, thank you for putting me in this story with these kids, especially on days like today when my heart and soul float with joy and twist with a reminder of the pain.

Serve God Save The Planet

2010-05-03T06:06:00.000-07:00

...it's the Title of a book by J. Matthew Sleeth, MD. And, much to my own surprise, I am consistently reading it (along with 2-3 other books right now! it's a NEW day for this momma of 4! :))!! The beauty of this read is that I get to process it with 8 young adults who are also reading it with Jason and I.

This year Jason and I took on a "side" job as City Directors for an organization called Mission Year. Jason and I did this urban ministry program 6 years ago as a married couple in Atlanta GA. (www.missionyear.org) It wrecked our lives and totally changed the way we have attempted to put our faith into action ever since. Naturally, when the chance came for the program to begin in Houston and partner with our church, Ecclesia, we were THRILLED! Adding more to our plates, however, was pretty scary.

We chose our children first. I know there are people out there who have a lot more than 4 kids and seem to balance life with ease. Yet, we often feel maxed out simply getting their basic needs met. I'm not sure if it would be different if they weren't so close in age, but I often speculate that it would be. For a while there, we had 4 kids 4 and under. Wow. That's just crazy. We try really hard to be excellent in our roles and over and over and over again we greive all of our short-comings. We want more time with them individually. We want to be more patient, more thought out, more thorough, more creative,...and less. Less reactive, less tired, less rushed, less irritated, less controlling...and the list goes on. Yet, I have to trust that there is grace that covers us. We won't get it all right and we are already far enough into this journey to realize that we have made HUGE mistakes. That is hard. I want to encourage parents because I want encouragement back. This can be a hard journey where only your mistakes get high-lighted. But, we are so in love with our kids and the chaos they bring and the way they humble us as we fumble through this process of caring for them.

All that to say that we want them to be of highest priority in our lives. Yet, we want our lives to be worth witnessing by them. It's our desire to be wonderful parents whose lives revolve around the Kingdom, not our children. It's so tricky because they deserve that central place at times, for a certain time. We want to put our energy into things that matter and for them to grow up and do the same. Mission Year is one of those things that we added to our lives this year in hopes that the pros (being in touch with the marginalized, loving and encouraing people, intentionally discussing injustice/justice issues in our city, growing intentional Christian community together, etc.) would out-weigh the cons (time constraints, less down time). It most certainly has even though there have been some hard times trying to balance everything.

Anyway, Mission Year is this beautiful Kingdom work happening all over the country. It focuses on living in intentional Christian community in an impoverished neighborhood while volunteering your time to the local church and organizations helping the oppressed in that area, all the while being diligent about practically LOVING the heck out of your neighbors. As part of this experience there is a curriculum that each team reads and discusses together. Jason and I were able to choose a book to insert into the curriculum and we chose "Serve God Save The Planet." We are only through the first 4 chapters, but it has been amazing. Last nite I went over to the team's house to process some of it together and I left with lots of things on my heart about how we can live more responsibly in this world that God has loaned to us.

A qoute from the book;
"Contrary to some popular opinions, God gives only partial responsibility to humanity when he gives us dominion over the earth. Dominion comes from a Hebrew term meaning "Higher on the root of a plant." Dominion does not mean ownership or even unrestricted use. Implied in our dominion is our dependency on everything under us. Cut the root out from under a plant and the fruit above it will perish, despite its superior position."

Oh, there is SOOO much more. But, that's a snip-it. Check out the rest yourself!

The Nightmare finally ended...

2010-04-27T10:48:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago a stomache bug entered the house. It lingered here, mutating and attacking and re-attacking our sweet family. It was HORRIBLE! Boaz peuked an innumerable amount of times and had to run to the bathroom for days so he didn't soil his pants with the explosion that kept repeating itself. He burned a fever on and off and generally felt so awful. Baysil got hit with a double ear infection and we had hoped she would be free from catching the stomache virus on top of it. She wasn't. She ended vomitting in her crib Monday nite and from the time we went in there to get her until about an hour after that, she threw up 6 more times. Obviously, the fear of her dehydrating became very real to us. She was shivering and refused any Gatorade we offered her. She was lethargic and had the runs and a fever. She was needing her diaper changed every 20 minutes and had been in the bath tub about 8 times between going to bed and starting the next day. We had to force feed her Gatorade with a sarynge every 5 minutes for an hour every other hour to avoid going to the E.R. (per the advice of the nurse on call). When we got her to the Doctor the next morning, they thought she might have a Urinary Tract Infection because of her symptoms. She they did a cathatar (sp?) in her to check her urine after waiting for 2 hours for her to pee. By Tuesday night I started peuking and making my own sprints to the bathroom. There was MAJOR stomache cramping going on and it wasn't long before Jason was in the race too. This left Kiah and Justice still standing until about the middle of the nite on Wednesday when Kiah woke up with a burning fever of almost 104 degrees. Joyfully, Justice was spared it all and able to attend school all week while Boaz missed all 5 days and, likewise, jason didn't make it to work except for a few hours on Thursday and a couple more on Friday. What a disaster. If you are a parent, and your child has ever been sick, you will be able to imagine how difficult all of that was. The emotions that come with feeling helpless to comfort your kids, the fatigue that comes from not sleeping and being sick yourself all swirl together for a nightmare-ish week of life. Was there anything redemptive about the week? Of course. As much as I'd like to forget it ever happened, i won't. It will forever be one of those times that we refer to in our memory with dramatic emphasis "Oh, we were all SO SICK that time.", etc. It is impossible to forget. So, I will choose to remember the little peices of good along the way as well... Community is such a gift. We did laundry in illegal amounts and it kept appearing folded. We left half eaten saltines and spilled bowls of applesauce all over the kitchen and kept finding it cleaned up. Library books appeared for comfort and distraction and errands kept getting run for us. It brough unspeakable comfort tpo know we were, literally, not all alone in this house and that the company we kept loved us so much.... Prayer. The prayers that were spoken for us by our friends and most certainly, by our families who longed to be here to stay up all nite with the kids and take care of us all...they were heard and healing eventually came without any major crisis. Marriage. holding hands in the dark as we cried out to Jesus to help us. Sneaking in a hug as the tears of exhaustion came and simply working together when neither one of us had the strength to keep going. I have to interject here how faithful my husband is. He puts his family so high on the priority list that I am brought to my knees over and over again with gratitude. He is steady and strong and faithful and constant. He is relentless with his service towards us and his leadership. I am so releived that we are all healthy again and find it very hard to accept that there are so many families suffering from chronic diseases and illness in this "Post-Eden" world. It's not right. One nite, I got on the computer and looked at old videos. This one in particular had me tearing up with hope and longing for health to return. It was taken over a month ago...but to see my kids looking so energetic, happy and full of life was more than I could handle as they lay crumpled up so sickly that nite. I'm posting it now...

We eat meat!

2010-03-26T11:24:00.001-07:00

SOooooooooooooooo...about 8 years ago Jason and I chose a vegetarian life style. What started out motivated by health, turned into something so much more. As our life unfolded, our faith awakened to so many wonderful and spiritual things we hadn't connected to it before.

We began to see a connection between everything in our lives...our physical health, our relationships, our environment, our neighbors around the world, our love for the outdoors...and all of creation. Little by little passion rose up inside of our souls as we felt called to live more simply and intentionally. We started asking a lot of questions, which led to more questions...

When we moved into our shared house wtih the Webbs, we were all vegetarians and had been for years. Yet, through a series of events that I cannot recount in this blog because of how long it would take to retell it all, we were confronted with the reality that we may be doing more harm than good to our bodies and our earth by consuming soy.

As we began to dig deeper we fell in love with the local food movement. This isn't new, actually it's ancient. Our desire has always been to eat as responsibly as we knew how for ourselves and also for our neighbors, our earth and in a way that pleases the Lord. We long for holisitic stewardship, as far from that as we are, and realize that we may continue to redefine how we practically strive for that. A couple of months ago, we went through a redefining time.

The Lord created our food so when I look in my fridge and my pantry I want to look with joy at the bounty of nourishment He has provided for me. What a privilege it is to eat every day! Currently we get our honey from a bee farmer, our eggs from a guy who loves raising chickens and letting them do what they were intended to do...we will soon be getting our milk from a local farmer and we buy grass fed, pasture raised meat from local farmers (this protein source we swapped for soy). We go each week to the co-op to pick up a fruit and veggie share. We make our own bread in the bread machine and are scheming the plan for a garden this spring. We soak our dried beans over-night and let them simmer slowly all day before we consume them. It's been really fun! We are finding so much joy and freedom with eating things as close to the source and as unprocessed as possible. I wouldn't say we have a ton of variety, we try to eat what is in season. Yet, it feels so sacred to sit down and eat something full of flavor and not much else.

Don't get me wrong, the transition to eating beef was a little tough. I hadn't eaten meat for a LONG time, let alone cooked with it. In this journey we are attempting moderation and balance. Monica and I take turns cooking during the week. We each cook twice and one of those times we use meat in our meal. Friday nites are homemade pizza nites when we pull together our left-over produce from the week and on Saturdays we do rice and beans. There is something that stirs deep within me the farther we go down this road. I want to keep asking questions to...like; how can we make sustainable, whole food available to everyone? It shouldn't be cheaper to buy a bag of Cheetos than a pound of carrots!

To us, a fresh meal is a little peice of heaven, and we want to share that and what it means to us. We have a long way to go and by no means are we getting this right. Yet, we are making a sincere effort.

just an afternoon in March

2010-03-04T18:30:00.000-08:00

My favorite part of parenting....

2010-02-26T09:54:00.000-08:00

I am so glad to be a part of a Book Study with a bunch of Mama's this spring. We are going to be reading Mudhouse Sabbath, by Lauren F. Winner. I'm excited for the fellowship and motivated to even try and stay caught up with the reading! We met for the first time this past Monday morning and went around the room sharing some basic introductory details of ourselves and also answering the question "What is your favorite part of being a parent?".

Dang, that is a tough one to answer. I suppose it would be easier to give an answer at the end of each day for that one rather than pick the singular thing that I could reply with every time. I thought about it and then fumbled (majorly) through my answer as I tried to put it to words. Since then, I've thought about it more and wanted to share.

I love being there in the suffering with my kids. Not because it's fun or easy or rewarding...but, there is this deep, sacred, contentment that comes. It's like, somehow, no matter how exhausted I am...holding my son as he wheezes with a nebulizer to his mouth in the middle of the extra dark night...I feel like I am so valuable. When the tears roll because my oldest had his feelings hurt and he finally feels free to let me see how deeply it cut him, I whipe his tears and feel like I am irreplaceable. When my little girl is shivering with a high fever and I haven't eaten all day because I can't put her down without her getting upset, I realize that this work I am doing is so important, that I truly must be a daughter of The King in order to be trusted with caring for these most precious treasures.

I want to be a Saint. I want to be a Warrior for the Kingdom. I hear stories of people changing the world with their sacrifices and risking, or even losing, their lives for the sake of justice and it moves me. I have felt, more than once, like I want to leave this country for another and be completely wrecked by discomfort and tragedy so that Christ can rebuild me into a giant for the Kingdom. I want to taste and touch the horrific devastation in our world so that compassion turns into something more.

Sometimes I think about the steps we've taken in our lives, the things that have gotten us to where we are today and I feel joyful and peaceful. We have made some hard, unpopular decisions in order to ease the convictions and burdens on our souls regarding the pain, selfishness and brokeness in this world. All of that has only led to more awareness and as a result more convictions and heavier burdens. Then there are other times when I think, "What are we doing here?"...

And when I get lost in my thoughts of what else there must be a voice cuts in "Mommy, is it my turn with the car?" or the monitor goes from quiet to "GET ME THE HECK OUT OF THIS CRIB!!" and I'm snapped back into this mundane motherhood where I cook food that gets rejected, whipe poopy butts, intercept injuries without a "thank you", give up sleeping (night, after night, after night) to give someone a drink, someone else company in the bathroom, someone else I.B. profun for growing pains in their foot and someone else teething tablets. But then, and out of nowhere, I hear "Mommy you're my best friend"...and it knocks me off my feet.

Sure, that's a sweet phrase, but to me, it's so much more than that. It means, "Thank you for being there when I was scared in the night, for always making me food, for giving up your masters degree so I had someone to hold me and bathe me and teach me the alphabet. Thank you for telling me stories about Jesus and for helping me learn to be on the look-out for someone who is hungry as we drive around the city. Thank you for making me laugh, saying "sorry" when you lose your temper and mess up because I am taking really good notes on your life for my own. I'm glad you are here because without you I wouldn't be. I'm getting bigger, and we won't always be best friends, but I will love you forever too."

There are dreams growing in my heart all of the time. Radical, crazy dreams that sometimes look more like nightmares when I really think about it. I do hope to be in the trenches with others continuously throughout my life and I feel really open and hopeful about where that desire may lead. And today I will be fully present with my kids because that is a very significant place to be....

Our rambunctious trio of boys...

2009-12-21T18:52:00.000-08:00

...I took these pics trying to keep Baysil in my arms and just hoped that no one would get a concussion before the play session was over. They are so much fun and so full of energy. We are enjoying our time home together so deeply. The boys respond so well to structure, attention, creativity and quality time...yet, during a typical school/work week it is so hard to give them that. Since Jason is off and they are home from school, we are able to really soak up being together. Love it.

And of course...a dancing video...I mean, how cute are they??

Just because...

2009-12-15T19:38:00.001-08:00

I have to warn you that this is a pretty long clip without much of a plot...but, I had to post it for our family and friends who are far away. Just a picture of the typical and "sacredly mundane" here at our Houston homefront!

It's the MOST wonderful time of the year!

2009-12-15T18:39:00.001-08:00

Advent is such a beautiful time. Every year I have grown to more fully experience the anticipation this season demands. Jesus birthday is coming! This sacred moment in our history that resulted in our redemption. What an amazing thing to long for, look forward too and celebrate!! Jason and I desire to embrace the sacred beauty of this time and abandon the "hustle and bustle" that seems to be typical. We have been able to slow down, reflect, and ponder what it would look like to truly celebrate Christ. Our sons have been so helpful in our growth. They want to give Jesus presents on His birthday, after all...that seems only fair, right? So, we are able to tell them that Jesus told us what He wants. He says that whatever you do for someone who is hungry, thirsty, homeless, lonely, imprisoned, orphaned...you do for me. By loving someone who is hurting, we can actually give Jesus a present. It's a wild concept and yet, more and more I see how they are understanding this. Yes, we can celebrate one another as well...Jesus loves that too. With simple and meaningful tokens of love and quality time we can relish the joy of His life here on earth together! This doesn't happen with stress and financial burden (which is often the message and temptation of our culture) but, rather with a peaceful and heart-felt effort. I spontaneously asked Justice about Christmas and held my breath in this video. It's the moment of truth in some ways. "What are they hiding away in their precious hearts?" you wonder so often. "Are they listening?" It's so hard to counter-influence all they are exposed to right now since they are in school. It was so sweet to hear his lil' heart expressed in this way. Enjoy!

Girls just wanna have fun!

2009-12-15T18:09:00.000-08:00

So, Baysil and Blythe spend most of their days side by side and wouldn't want it any other way it seems. They like to "help" fold laundry, greet one another after nap time by going to the other's "crib", pretending the boys' walkie-talkie's are phones, and getting in any sort of bin/laundry basket/box they can find together. CUTE CUTE CUTE!

They share so many interests, but one of the biggest things they have in common is their love of the big boys in the house. Justice, Kiah and Boaz, although they love the girls sincerely,they don't really appreciate the way the girls want to do whatever they do, be wherever they are, and touch anything they touch. However, I'm convinced that one day...they will absorb how lovely that reality has been. This video catches the girls driving their buses and trucks minutes after the boys left (they had been doing the same thing, of course!). So sweet!

Shaffer Kiddos...

2009-12-15T17:54:00.001-08:00

Boys and girls are inherently different. While my 3 sons take a mud bath in the back yard (and wind up in tears when it's time to wash it all off)...my daughter poses for pictures! HA! We really, really love our kids. They are a ton of work...and I can't imagine my life without this satisfying exhaustion. It's almost time for Jason to be off work and the boys to be home from school so we can be home all together for 2 whole weeks. It's feeling so necessary right about now. I can't wait!

60 something and sunny....repeat.

2009-11-26T17:21:00.000-08:00

Baysil Peace turned one 3 weeks ago and has been in a constant state of change ever since. We are all enjoying her in this toddler stage. She says "Hi" (which is A-Dorable since her mouth opens so wide and you can tell it is such an effort), she waves at everyone (when she's in the mood), says "Da-da" "ma-ma" "dog" (<---which sounds a lot like "DAH") and "Jah" for Justice, "Sssssss" for shoes and "N-eye, N-eye" for Nite-nite. She will "shush" me when I "shush" her...which I'm guessing is a sign of what's to come. She points to her sippy cup when she wants it and she points to where she wants to go (which is wherever her brothers are...down the stairs or outside). She has tantrums and likes to do things by herself. She puts her sunglasses on (they are actually around her neck when she does this, dangling like a necklace...and she waddles around as proud as can be), she puts her socks on top of her feet because she knows that's where they go and she wants to do it herself. She is so curious and loves to explore everwhere we go. She takes anything with wheels and rolls it on the floor just like her big brothers (who are also maturing rapidly and impressing us daily with their newfound knowledge...oh, and they now tell on eachother and know what "bad words" are....school has introduced them to loads of stuff and I miss them during the days for sure!). We just adore our kids. It is an unmatched joy discovering each of them. We are having so much fun with Baysil. Anyway...this post is long over-due, so here is a compilations of info and some random photos and a short video. The weather in Houston this time of year is fantastic. We are soaking up a long weekend together, beautiful breezy sunshine and the outdoors.

The Lost Shucken'

2009-11-06T07:26:00.000-08:00

Picking the twins up from school is often a favorite part of my day. I pick them up on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Jenni does Mondays and Fridays. All of the pre-K/Kinder classes march outside and sit on little benches at the end of the day. The parents line up around a fence and watch with eagerness, waiting for the gate to open. It's a bit like watching animals at the zoo, but these animals are extremely active. Legs swinging, talking to one another, looking for their Mom or Dad. My heart begins racing when I spot them and they see me. They get a huge smile on their faces and we wave frantically at each other. Then, the gate swings open. I usually find myself pushing past the other parents to get to my boys and smother them with hugs. At some point there going to ask me to chill out in front of their friends, but they invite it now and I'm going to take advantage of it!

Yesterday, on the ride home I overheard a pretty fun conversation between Boaz and Kiah. Boaz surprisingly pronounced, "Oh no, I lost my Shucken! My Shucken is at school. Daddy can we go get my shucken?" As I was trying to figure how to respond to a question that I couldn't understand Kiah piped in, "Oh Boaz, I'm sorry you lost your Shucken." He obviously understood his brother better than I did.

Boaz replied politely, "Thank-you Kiah. Do you have your Shucken?" Then, there was another pause before Kiah exclaimed, "Boaz, it's not a 'Shucken', it's a 'Chicken'."
Boaz wasn't so sure because he had been informed otherwise, "Kiah, Sebastian (a boy in Boaz's class) said it is a 'Shucken'". It was hard to refute that, so Kiah agreed, "Oh, O.K. Boaz, it's a 'shucken'". And that was it. The argument was settled. It was short and sweet and absolutely precious. Then, they moved right along to other things like "I spy" or playing with their cars or stuffed animals. I've gathered quite a toy collection in the car.

Your Hands...by JJ Heller

2009-10-23T18:57:00.000-07:00

These lyrics have blessed my heart lately and so I wanted to share.
Oh, and I thought I'd post a few pics of Bay sporting pig-tails! I just think
she couldn't be any cuter, but getting her hair in this elaborate style takes nearly pinning her down, so it doesn't happen very often. Hence, we take pictures...it quite literally "lasts longer"!

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands

I'm A-Walkin'...Oh yes indeed!

2009-10-17T18:30:00.000-07:00

Baysil Peace took her first step at 9 months old. She took 12 steps in a row when she was 10 months old (one time only, but still!!)...and now here we are. She's 11 months old (turns 1 November 3rd) and seems to have got it! 3 days ago, she turned a major corner. Today, I set her down outside to walk and stopped counting at 30 steps. She takes breaks, squats to rest her legs, and put her arms out in front of her if she thinks she might fall. Walking around outside with her brothers makes her DELIRIOUS with joy! She has been DYING to do this with them since she was born. If I pick her up when we're out there now, she flings her head back in frustration. She still crawls more than anything, but it's a matter of days before that changes. I had to post this for the grandparents, aunts and uncles who are far away wishing they could see it all in person. I used my bag of nail polish to lure her. At one point I say "What's that?" and she turns around...she thought I said "Who's that" so she looks at the door. So cute to watch her start to comprehend phrases...I feel like I'm reliving our journey with the twins!Here she is...

P.S. So SORRY about the sideways video. Hmmmmmm...learning curve? I'm a novice!

pet dinosaurs!!!!!

2009-10-14T19:11:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Aunt Kristin!!!!

2009-10-07T06:44:00.000-07:00

Today, the Shaffer family in Houston is celebrating Aunt/Sister Kristin's Birthday!! We kicked the celebration off with a video. We'll also have a candle lit in the house all day in honor of her.

I used to call her "sister-baby"... at least that's what I am told. But, now it seems like "sister-friend" is a more fitting term. My sister is incredibly loyal to her family and friends. She looks for ways to encourage and lift others up. She has a heart filled with love and likes to pour that out on people. Kristin has been an awesome Aunt to our kids. It excites me to think about our little ones growing up to be so loved by her.

Kristin... we love you and hope this day is wonderful!! You are being celebrated here in H-town. Check out the video.

Thoughts and pictures of life lately...

2009-10-02T07:52:00.000-07:00

My 3 sons are in school. WHAT? I dunno how or when it happened, but they are there. Sporadically I choke up about this at least once a week...when I have a quiet moment (on the way home after dropping them off, or in the shower or late at nite in bed). It's not sadness, really, it's more awe than anything else. They were once as Baysil is now...completely dependent and innoncently clueless about it. Now, they have ideas and desires and emotions all their own. The tears well up in me as I realize that NO ONE ELSE in the whole world understands the changes, growth and other intimate details of their journey right now like Jason and I do. It's the honor of being a parent. As they get bigger and bigger, that will change. I will know less and less and they will give pieces of their hearts away to other significant people in their lives. I will always be there, of course, but not like i am now and certainly not like I've been. It is such an outstanding privilege that I can't come close to explaining the joy of it. Watching them take on their education is wonderfully deep.

It makes me think of the gift of marriage as well. No one knows my husband like I do and he knows me so intricately it's unmatched. I savor this reality most days...but there lots of moments I take it forgranted. Life is crazy and it can often bring out the worst parts of me. Experiencing the grace of my husband and unconditional love of my kids...it repeatedly points me to my Creator. I long to be better because of the way He has shown Himself to me through them.

In between celebrations of birthdays and poops on the potty...there have been fevers, throw-up, teething woes, extra laundry, snotty noses, many, many moments of leaning on community, and lots of chaos. With the boys taking turns staying home from school...they've had extra time to bond with Baysil (and get her sick, naturally). It is so obvious that the adoration goes both ways, it is ever-increasing too! The way they love one another melts this mama's heart!! No matter how miserable she feels, Baysil will not just smile but squeel and giggle with delight when her brother's are paying her attention.

Truly awesome.

I want more time for myself to do what I want to do without worrying about anyone else. I want to be the only one in the car...rested, hydrated and put together going someplace that I want to go. I don't always want to trip over back-pack straps while weighted down with a mega-diaper bag, lunch boxes full of snacks with a baby on my hip and my purse on my elbow. I want to read a book from cover to cover and take a long shower. I want to use the bathroom with the door closed and eat an entire meal seated. Yet, I know (in my head, not always in my heart) that someday I'll have plenty of time for that. So, today I push forward in my P.J.s at 11:00 a.m. waiting for Baysil to give in to her nap so the monitor is quiet and for sweet Boaz to break his fever. I am so glad I am the one that is here for this with these specific children and with the perfect man for me at my side.

Anyway...there's a glimpse now I have to go give out some IB profun!

On and on we grow...

2009-08-29T19:10:00.001-07:00

Well, Blythe and Baysil are quite a pair. In ever-changing fashion they interact daily and have gotten to a place where they count on one another's presence. With the boys being as school for a majority of the day, these two have had a chance to focus a bit more on eachother. They already fight over toys, which is hilarious to watch. They are both quite strong in their own, unique way. It is just awesome to watch them unfold like a rose in full-bloom...beauty expanding with every new day.

Our community has grown as well. We're nearing two years of cohabitation and our life together is certainly more than that. We have changed each other. We gave up some meaningless individualism to make sure we are close enough to feel the needs of one another. This closeness demands action as we share in the burdens and joys. We can't walk around the house in a towel after taking a shower, we can't be loud whenever we want to be because we have to consider another family's sleeping schedule, we can't pull out of the driveway without moving someone else's car...but, we don't have to cook dinner half the week because someone else cooks enough for us all, we don't have to call a sitter when running an errand during nap time because we can leave the monitor turned on in the kitchen, we don't have to clean the house tirelessly because we do it while having precious conversation with like-minded brothers and sisters, we don't stress out about paying our monthy mortgage because it comes out of our joint account and we all put into that, I don't have to go for walks alone during the day and Jason doesn't have to take off of work when I leave town. When the days are hard, prayers are plentiful, listening ears accessible, and encouraging words floating around every corner. Baysil doesn't have to be without a playmate now that all of her brothers are in school.

Skool is Kool...

2009-08-29T17:50:00.001-07:00

Our boys started school this past Monday! Unreal. We had such a great time getting ready the weekend before, relishing our last moments before this new chapter began. We went to the store and picked out back-packs, lunch boxes and special treats to put in them. We went to the Astros game for the first time as a family (and Baysil suited up for the occasion!). The boys were amazed by the atmosphere. Grant it, we only lasted about an hour there, but it was so memorable even still. We prayed together that nite and talked lots about what would happen the next day.

Then, the week began. It was full of emotion for all parties involved. A few tears, and lots of smiles...and the first week has ended. The boys are shining in their new environments. Justice is THRIVING in this structured routine. The twins are actually in seperate classes for the first half of the day and have weathered the seperation really well. Their reunion is always the first thing they mention when asked about their day. It is obvious that they are each growing in confidence and independence after taking this next step. They are more determined to do things on their own than ever before. Basically, they are just awesome and I miss them terribly when they are gone...as predicted!

The most FANTASTIC five year old I know!!

2009-08-29T17:32:00.000-07:00

Justice turned 5 on August 17th. It's hard to believe that we are parents of four kids, let alone a BIG FIVE year old! What a treasure to know him and call him our son. He is observant, curious, sensitive, creative, smart, caring, and as sweet as can be. He loves to find bugs, but won't touch them with a 10 foot pole. He could work on taking things apart and putting them back together all day long but doesn't get too excited to play kick-ball. He loves being chased, "wrestling", helping with work around the house...especially if it includes tools and being outside with Daddy. He loves Jesus in the purest way. He is an amazing big brother. We had such a tender and simple nite celebrating him. He decorated his own cake. His loving little brothers clapped and cheered for him with deep enthusiasm to be excited for Justice. Blythe and Baysil got a kick out of the energy in the room and Justice can't get enough of these two little ladies in his life. Our community surrounded him and it was obvious he felt special. He was on the phone with family from far away, opening mail that had been sent just for him, blowing on his Thomas The Train whistle and inhaling his chocolate cake. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU JUSTICE! You are wonderful, truly.

P.S. Please note the fruitless attempt at getting a picture of all the kids in our house together. There were several more shots where these two came from, but these were the "best". Such an active lil' bunch of cuties!

Powell-ful Visit!

2009-07-26T05:06:00.000-07:00

We headed to MI once leaving Chicago to spend some time with Scott, Laura and thier two kiddos; Ellie and Mateo. This reunion was LONG over-due and it was such a treasure to be in the same place again with our dear friends. I cannot wait for the next time. Laura and I (jenni) shared a lot of our college days together becoming fast friends our sophomore year. She holds such a special place in my heart. A few of the fav photos....

Then it was off to Chicago

2009-07-25T18:20:00.000-07:00

On our tour of the mid-west we went from OH to Chicago and spent a few days with the Reilly (Jenni's) side of the family. We had a wonderful time. Here are a few favorite pics....

Summer Vacay...first Ohio

2009-07-25T18:04:00.001-07:00

We braved the open skies and roads to take a lil' mid-west tour and see both sides of our family and some dear friends. It was awesome.Here are some photos from our time in Ohio visiting the Shaffer side of the family ...

407 Milton Avenue....

2009-07-24T17:46:00.000-07:00

that was my address my Senior year of college at Anderson University. I shared this off campus home with 5 beautiful women; Laura, Aimee, Amy, Monica and Tanna. In many ways we were thrown together...all having some random connection to the group as a whole. By the end of the year it was obvious that we had shared something sacred. That year was so special, memorable, defining, mysterious, and rare. There were holy moments mingled in-between classes and grocery shopping. We had amazing, spontaneous conversations in the middle of the night and day, tense moments of distibuting the chores, silly laughter that seemed to never end. We helped one another through broken hearts, loneliness and questions...we filled the kitchen with bubbles from an over-flowing and nearly explosive dishwasher, there were flames from a basket innocently placed in the broiler lending itself to a life lesson (a.k.a. while it looks like a neat little drawer, a broiler is a broiler!:)), we shared the major task of cleaning up the disaster of a reciprocal prank played on us and so much more.

At the end of nearly a 2 week vacation in the mid-west visiting dear family and friends,I left Jason and my boys and headed to a 407 reunion. The 6 of us met up again for a long weekend of sisterhood. We bounced 4 of our babies around the room sharing high-chairs, bibs, bath-tubs and strollers. Those of us who are not pregnant sympathized with those who are as we tried to hide the smell of cantelope and pass out cans Fresca to settle queezy stomaches. We laughed about days gone by. We ate great food and choked back tears as we revealed the details of life's journey in the recent years. We reminded one another of how we each fell in love with our husbands and played "Loaded Questions". We took walks around the neighborhood and soaked up the sunshine and glory of the moment. At the end of our time we were dreaming and scheming about our next get together.

I am grateful for times like that...times to get with the people who were there before I became me while I was still myself. It reminds me of where I've been, how much I've changed, how much I'll always be the same and where I want to be heading. I can't wait to see them all again. They are wonderful.

our family, my beautiful boys and a couple of cutie-queens

2009-06-30T10:23:00.000-07:00

Happy Father's Day Dad

2009-06-20T17:40:00.000-07:00

I'd like to take a minute to brag about my Dad. He is strong, committed, fun-loving, a great teacher, loyal, sensitive, creative, honest, and...well...pretty great. I'm so grateful to call him my father. Love You Dad! and now, from the much more entertaining and super sweet grandkids...a personalized Father's Day wish for you Grandpa Mike! (first Justice, then Boaz, then Kiah, then Baysil...)

My Little Star

2009-06-14T17:24:00.000-07:00

It's summertime and Jason only works on Mondays in June and July. It's been a fabulous two weeks of togetherness and group chaos as a family! One of the high-lights has been our individual dates with the boys. This video was taken when I (jenni) was on my date with Kiah. He busted out in song singing the Barny theme song at first. I was delighting in his spontaneous personality and fumbling for the camera in my purse. When I got it out, he had finished but announced he was going to sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars" for the video. PRECIOUS!!!!

Crazy Car Ride(s)

2009-06-14T15:41:00.000-07:00

In this video you will see that Boaz and Justice are trying to keep her happy (and it's working as you can hear her giggles)! She started to get a bit fussy in the car and the next thing we heard was delirious laughter. It had already subsided greatly by the time I got the camera out...but, I still got enough on film for it it be worth watching over and over and over and over...What a lucky little girl to have the brothers she does! What lucky brothers to have her as their sister. Jason and I are just so grateful for this quadruple gift of incredible kids!

My little Italian Spice...

2009-06-12T15:37:00.000-07:00

Just a few favorite pix from the last week or so...
Please make note of her cute T-shirt that says "Little Firecracker" as this could not be more appropriate. Baysil Peace Shaffer fits perfectly into this emotional and passionate family! She is amazing us with her mobility skills as she pulls up on everything in sight and crawls like a pro. She is a fighter and will make her voice (a.k.a. squeels and coos) heard no matter what it takes and will scream for days if she's just not quite in the mood to go to sleep and miss the activity that her brothers are involved in. She belly laughs half of her day and tries desperately to follow her brothers around the house and touch everything they have. We are all are nuts about her that's for sure! (Even tho the boys have their moments of being less than fond of all that she requires :))

Blythe and Baysil = Best Buds!

2009-06-08T09:12:00.000-07:00

So Sweet....

2009-06-07T16:29:00.000-07:00

Tonite when the boys came in for dinner, the sweetest thing happened. Boaz was the first one with his hands washed and his shoes off. He saw his plate of food on the counter and carried it, with such serious concentration, to the table making sure it didn't fall. He climbed in his chair and started eating (so we thought). One by one, Kiah and Justice followed...and as they marched past us in the kitchen, chatting up a storm about what they were doing outside before it was time to eat, Jason said, "Go ahead and take your plate from the counter."

Repeating is so normal for us. Grant it, it's not the best habit, but with all of those ears needing to hear what we say...it's often necessary. So, after about 10 minutes of Jason and I racing around the kitchen with some glances and smiles towards the diningroom where our 3 boys sat talking feverishly, it was time to make our own way in there to sit down and join them. As it turns out...neither Kiah nor Justice heard Jas say "Go ahead and grab your plate off of the counter." So, they were sitting there, without their food, waiting unwarranted. The fact that they sat there for that long and didn't complain about waiting made us sooooo pround. Then, to know they didn't even need to wait...that was just too priceless. To top it all off...sweet Boaz was sitting their, DROOLING because he hadn't take ONE BITE! He was waiting for his brothers to get their food. Oh man, talk about precious. We just ADORE them so much. They are such a handful. I mean, 3 years old is quite the trying age. The twins are testing their boundaries like crazy and Justice doesn't want to be left out! However, there are moments each day when we catch a glimpse of how they are maturing and turning into wonderful men. Did I mention I love them so much!?! I do!

Rare and Priceless

2009-05-27T19:46:00.000-07:00

Justice and his Floridian pet Lizard Nana caught for him.

Baysil and Justice on the airplane. Baysil was so squirmy and curious. Big bro was proud to hold her!

Grandma and the Big J

Mommmy and Justice-the-pool-junkie

Grandma and Bay playing on the floor...this girl loves to explore her surroundings.

Nana and Baysil Peace

Justice, Baysil and I flew to Ft. Meyers FL last week so that my Grandmother could meet Baysil and see Justice again (it has been 2 years since she saw him). My mom met us there and we were able to spend 3 days and nites together. The flights went smoothly for the most part which was a MAJOR relief. Baysil was out of sorts for the first half of the trip, but was herself again by the time we left. Justice was in heaven getting so much attention and being a "big boy". It was, without a doubt, invalueable. To call it priceless is an understatement! Not to mention the sweet time those who stayed behind had together. Jason adored getting to focus on just 2 of our kids for an entire weekend. They did a TON of stuff together like go to the beach, play in water fountains at the park, the Children's Museum, and going out for ice cream. He's truly such an invested and engaged father. He's just amazing!

Here are a few of my favorite pics from my trip...
P.S. My Grandmother CAUGHT Justice 2 lizards! What a trip! She is amazing and he was thrilled, apathetic, afraid and brave all at once. He is holding up their "house" in the first picture and that serious face is totally him...priceless!

In the quiet...

2009-05-19T10:10:00.000-07:00

It's the middle of the day and I'm sitting in a quiet kitchen. The voices of my three sons are faintly the background music to this moment in time, along with the gentle "shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" sound that my baby monitor makes. I rarely have this situation and I'm sure it will be abruptly ended in another second or two. What do I do when this happens..when there is stillness and sounds are void? I'm realizing, this very minute, that I'm not even sure what I want to do. I look at pictures on my computer screen...mostly of my kids. That's funny to me since I can see them right outside my window moving and breathing and dancing. Yet, there's something so special about those still moments captured by the camera that helps my perspective. I see their smiles and remember...remember whatever scene I found worthy of snapping a picture of. It helps me when there World War III breaks loose here in another few minutes over that one ball (never mind there are 10 other balls not being used) or that "accidental" collision (never mind the victim refused to move out the way when asked) or that announcement; "My underwear is wet!" or "He just jumped in the mud, mommy!"...you know how it goes. Yes, the pictures help. They remind me that time is passing and doing so quickly and that these small people were even smaller just a seeming moment ago when i took that one pucture.

Yet, I feel like I should be doing something really important like reading my Bible or making a long over-due phonecall or even planning dinner. Maybe I should see how much it would cost to take Spanish lessons or research how our family could serve at our local food bank. But doing one of those things would mean adding noise to this gloriously rare silence.

Nevermind because it's over. Baysil made it known, via the monitor, that she would rather not be in her crib any longer. Now I sit in my back yard, computer on my lap...one sweet little girl soothing her teething gums with a frozen bagel and three sweet young boys demanding I stop typing and watch them do all sorts of magical things like go down the slide, or spin in a circle, or share the buggy car. This is not an interruption to my quiet, it's life. My life is full of sound and noise and really short pauses that are only long enough to remember something that I don't want to forget when time passes me by.

I'd love to be alone, in a quiet kitchen, long enough to accomplish many things. I'd love to make a call because I felt the desire to use my voice and converse. For now, however, I'll savor this...outside the quiet....

and savory it is! I have to go and play now...

My summer sweethearts...

2009-05-18T07:03:00.000-07:00

Here they are ready for the sun and sprinkler. Getting all four to cooperate for a picture it something else! The boys get so annoyed holding their smiles frozen while jas and I dance around trying to get Baysil to look in the same direction AND THEN smile simultaneously. By then, at least one of the boys have decided they want more attention and make a wierd face at the last second or look away or stick out their tongue. Infuriating and understandable considering they are 3 and 4 years old. So, I decided to post all four photo attempts just to see who is tolerating it and who is over it. We just love their personalities. They are GREAT!

crawling, dancing, vacuuming, and other typical Shaffer family activities...

2009-05-16T18:32:00.000-07:00

THREE glorious minutes of life with our kids. If you think you can handle it...push the play button! :)

And the race is on....

2009-05-16T12:51:00.000-07:00

to try and keep up with the changes in our precious children. Our camera broke mysteriously (after I dropped it on the concrete...go figure!), and so we've been without for a couple of weeks (this is torture for me). Well, we got it back, repaired and ready to go this weekend. Just in time too...because 3 days ago Baysil began CRAWLING!! My sweet 6 month old baby girl...CRAWLING! I'm so not ready for her to be that mobile, but here we go anyway. In addition to that she has started to pull herself up on things...she gets to her knees, then puts one leg underneath herself and tries until she topples. My guess...less than a month and she'll have that down too. However, if I put her hands on something to hold while she is standing, she can wobble there for several minutes. I know all of these things are instintive, but I just marvel at it nonetheless. We are so proud.

Then there are her 3 big brothers, who are eating us out of house and home and talking our heads off. They are so smart, and energetic, and funny, and creative, and imaginative, and handsome, and loving, and strong-willed, and defiant, and amazing.

So, in typical "I-just-got-my-camera-back" fashion, I'm posting two videos and a few pictures from today. Don't worry, I have a great video of Baysil crawling...but, I have to post it seperately due to time. Here you go...

our weekend AWAY from the city....

2009-05-02T05:12:00.000-07:00

Last weekend our entire house made a 5 hour (add an extra hour or so for each child in the car :)) trip to West Texas with our church community for a retreat. It was beautiful where we were. The ride there and back was exhausting but went really well. All of our kids slept decently, which always makes for a good experience. The company was fantastic and our surroundings refreshing. It makes our hearts so excited to watch the boys grow into their adventurous souls. They are magnets for nature and were climbing up hills 5 seconds after we got there. We look forward to the outdoor adventures that await us as a family more than we can describe! Here's a few of our favorite shots & a short video... P.S.I have to give a disclaimer about this video. We literally JUST got out of the car and the boys were bounding towards the hill in front of us...but Katie, a girl from church, caused them all to pause. She is such a cutie and the boys all love her in the most natural and innocent way. She is quite verbal and does a great job of keeping the boys in line. They follow her around and look for her whenever we are at a church event. In this clip, she is trying to tell them that the mountain is too deep and Kiah disagrees. Boaz hangs back a little waiting to see if Katie will climb with them. She explains that they should beware of the cactus and that she has flip-flops on. Jason offers to lift her up over the cactus so she can join the boys and she responds by telling him that her Dad is just a little bit stronger than Jason. By this time, the boys have decided that Katie will be there when they get back. I could have watched them climb that hill all day. Actually, it was only about 2 minutes of watching them before I joined them. I could have climbed with them all day I should say! Also, I don't think I will ever get tired of listening to them chat with Kaie! So cute!

Quotes....

2009-04-26T18:31:00.000-07:00

Oh man. My sons have become excellent at expressing themselves. If you can be patient, listen (even tho our impulse is to constantly question lil' kids), and tell them things about things...you are in for a treat when they open up. I have learned this from them and it has been awesome. I am quite literal when I say that EVERY SINGLE DAY, each of my boys say something that amazes me. Justice is the oldest and truly displays his maturity often. The twins are easy to dismiss as less interested or less communicative which isn't the case at all. They merely require a bit more prodding since they have a big brother who will quickly take the floor. Being the oldest myself, I can relate to Justice's desire to be directing things. They really are so unique and wonderful.

One nite last week, I was telling Jas some of my favorite things that the boys had said that day. He promised me to write them down. Because of that, i'm able to blog about it tonite. I need to write down one quote frome each of them each day or something because I simply can't recall them all or often enough.

Justice's quote;

Justice: "What does Baysil's shirt say, mommy?"
Me: "It says, 'Eat More Kale'.|"
Justice; "Oh, like when they Kaled Jesus on the cross? He was Kaled?"
Me: "Actually, Kale is a vegetable. Jesus was Killed on the cross and we eat Kale."
Justice: "Oh yeah. I forgot."

Boaz' quote:

Boaz: "Mommy, can I have some more pasta?"
Me: "Sure" (I then filled his bowl back up and put it infront of him )
Boaz: "Why thank-you your Majesty"!!

Kiah's quoate;

We're at the park and I told the boys to leave their raisins on the picnic table while they played to avoid running and chewing on little chokable raisins. I thought Kiah took his with him.

Me; "Kiah, where are your raisins?"
Kiah; "On the table." (I look and see them)
Me; "Okay, just checking."

5 minutes later after everyone had come back for a refill

Me; "Hey Kiah, where are your raisins?"
Kiah;"On the table" (long pause) "Hey, Mommy...don't ask me again, okay?"
Me; (cracking up) "okay."

Rained in on a Saturday....

2009-04-19T18:56:00.001-07:00

Normally when the clouds roll in I find myself stressed about maintaining order inside all day with 4 energy balls. Baysil, while she's only 5 months old, has a love of the outdoors already...just like her darling-wild-at-heart-big-brothers. So, when we're all stuck insiden it just doesn't always go so well. This past Saturday, the flood gates opened of the big blue texas sky! It was a constant down pour.

As it turned out, Jas and I thoroughly enjoyed our day stuck inside with our 4 treasures. We did a big puzzle, played Candy Land, read stories, made cards, baked pumpkin muffins, and danced. We also managed to get some cleaning and laundry done. All the kiddos were tucked in early and Jas and I had some time to relax together (which is painfully rare these days). When the day was through, we both admitted how much we enjoy our children. We love them and simply like them. We like being around them, we like who they are becoming, and we like who they are today. We are thankful for those times that we can play together. I often get really jealous of people who get to baby-sit my children. I would love to be their baby-sitter, ya know? I would love to not worry about the chores and tasks of life and to purely be with them as if that was the only responsibility I had. In fact, I would find great pleasure in hiring a "sitter" to do everything EXCEPT watch my kids; he/she could make dinner, do the laundry, keep up with the mail, change diapers, discipline, go grocery shopping, clean the house, etc. Instead, we are left to try and find that delicate balance between maintaining life and pouring into our kids. Somedays, the dust is shamefully high, the pile of dirty dishes out of control, and the laundry pile so huge that we could lose a child in it. And on those days, we usually make a load of memories that include hugs and giggles. But, on those nites, I'm usually freaking out about how many things have to get done that didn't... Humph!! It's a balance I hope I can find with lots of grace extended to me when I completley miss the mark.

This past Saturday was just a really good day. We also have managed a new tradition for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nites where we spend one on one time with one of our boys after the other 2 have gone to sleep. It's a short but very sweet time of unusual intimacy when the other 2 are not around to compete for attention. By the time our kids are grown, I'm sure we'll have thought of everything!

Video Experiment...Bo and Bay

2009-04-17T12:28:00.000-07:00

Okay, I've never posted a video before because I didn't know how. We recently got a new camera because our old one had started deleting pictures. With these 4 beauties as my kiddos, I absolutely COULD NOT have that happening to me. So, now our lil' camera takes still shots and video footage = WOO-HOO! If this video works, you can be sure I'll be posting more...

This is a random video shot one afternoon while Kiah and Justice were napping and Boaz and Baysil were "resting" on mommy and daddy's bed. Enjoy! :)

Celebrating Easter...

2009-04-14T17:30:00.000-07:00

Despite being only half-way healthy, we had a beautiful Easter weekend here. Our time together included a HUGE community breakfast where the boys had their first communion experience, coloring hard-boiled eggs, lots of time outdoors, a completed jungle gym, a reflective and celebratory Sunday that with an egg hunt and fellowship. Baysil enjoyed her first Easter and her favorite part was teething on plastic eggs! Here's a glimpse...

4 Shaffers and a Webb...

2009-04-13T10:18:00.000-07:00

L to R Baysil, Kiah, Boaz, Justice and Blythe

Baysil and her Daddy

2009-04-07T18:07:00.000-07:00

Not quite the plan or the point...

2009-04-07T11:36:00.000-07:00

Jason and I are on an ever-evolving journey to understand what it looks like to be a good steward of this life in Christ. It first began with a budget and trying to make sure we lived below our means so we could give a little away. It has since turned into a much more holistic challenge as we realize our time, relationsips, and actions also need much examining. Living simply with children is quite tricky as little people tend to require a lot, grow out of their clothes rapidly, enter new developmental stages every time you blink, and increase their appetites (and picky taste buds) greatly with each birthday they celebrate! It's amazing, tho, how simple they are and the way God has used our little guys to teach us so much. I'm sure many of you can relate to this, for instance, my sons find the packaging of any fancy toy nearly as fun and entertaining as the toy itself. They are thrilled when I hand them empty cereal boxes to play with...I hope they don't lose that anytime soon as they grow and become more vulnerable to our media's messages! They have terrific imaginations and appreciate the small things. It's the nature of a child.

Anyway, here's the story in a nutshell; we're all sick. It started with me about a week ago and has worked its way thru us all. Actually, Jason is the last man standing, but today has started to feel symptoms. To add to the fun, I got pinkeye. Perhaps from this virus, perhaps from germs looming around us...who knows. In any event, I've passed it along to all of my kids. We now get to pin them down for eye drops 3 times a day. Fun. It's always exhausting when your kids are sick whether it's 1 or 4. It's almost better if they are all sick then to have a couple of them healthy and fully energized at 6 a.m. after you've been up all nite with an understandably cranky and miserable child or two. In any event, yesterday jason stayed home from work to take care of our sick troop. Because we were both home we were able to chlorox all the doorknobs in the house and most surfaces, wash all the bedding (AGAIN), cook some casseroles for the week, give lots of blocks and other toys a bath in bleach water, and bag up a bunch of things the boys don't use any more. We try to avoid collecting a bunch of toys and instead get rid of things every few months that the boys have outgrown or lost interest in before adding to our collection.

Yesterday, as the sun glimmered on another beautiful 65 degree day, we got ambitious and decided we'd drag all of our sick kiddos to the Salvation Army to give their old toys away and pick out some new and USED ones. They were thrilled about this, even in their exhaustion, as they have started to understand a bit of the bigger picture regarding "wasting" and "sharing" and "re-using", etc. Anyway, we got to Salvation Army and got inside only to find they had literally NO TOYS. So, we trucked ourselves down the street to another resale shop, everyone's emotions a bit fragile at this point, only to find that it was closed. Hmmmmmmm... Now, everyone's beginning to unravel, the tears and snot are beginning their avalanche and we have to act quick. To Walgreens it is to pick out shiny new toys from the shelves.

The choice? Remote control cars. Woo-hoo! We knew they'd LOVE them. Oh how they did. As soon as Jas left for work this morning, all systems were a go and BIG wheeled jeeps were driving recklessly all over their bedroom and hallway. However, while I was changing my shirt that had snot all over it by 8:30 a.m., Kiah found the scissors Jason used to get the trucks out of the packaging and helped his brothers, and himself, to trimming down the antenna on all of the jeeps. Yes, the antenna that actually made the car and controller work together. He explained to me that they just didn't really like that part of the car. I had to giggle as I explained to them that it wouldn't work any more. Well, they were mad for about 3 minutes until they discovered that those trucks are still really cool...even without the controller.

Too funny. Not exactly a lesson in simplicity or stewardship, but a great memory for sure!

A day at the park....

2009-03-30T12:37:00.001-07:00

The weather here has been exceptional lately and we are LOVING it! Yesterday we spent the afternoon at a beautiful park in downtown Houston. When we first got there a couple of our kids had fallen asleep in the car...So, naturally, we just sat in the car, where we had parked, for about a half hour to let those who needed to, finish resting. That's just so normal now as a mom of 4 little ones. I mean, to say I've learned to "SLOW DOWN" is an understatement...and on the opposite hand, I've learned to move at the speed light, quadruple-task, in order to get us out of the house. Such a paradox is my life.

Anyway, we finally made it to the jungle gym area, which is surrounded by a lake, water fountains and lots of open green space. Jas and I took turns following the boys around while the other one sat with Baysil and ate some lunch. Then we took a long walk as a family all over the park. This is when we really move slow. I mean, every single step there is something to stop for; an ant, a leaf, a sound, a question, an altercation, a potty break, a drink, a collision. But we made it and enjoyed it so very much... We even managed a family photo! Here's some of my favorite pictures from the day.

Swim School Sweethearts

2009-03-27T19:23:00.000-07:00

The boys are taking swim lessons (which we all call "Swim school"). They have been so brave. After several nites of teary eyes, we have gotten past the fear. Tonite there was no crying...and lots of proud lil' men arriving home after their lesson to chatter away about their aquatic victories! HOORAY! Here's a glimpse of them in action...(I know, I know...they are too cute for words!)

Happy Feet

2009-03-25T12:56:00.000-07:00

Baysil really, really likes her feet. Today, almost everytime I go to sit her down...she grabs her feet. I lay her on her back, she grabs her feet (and then tries to eat them). It's just too much to handle....

P.S. stay tuned for some pictures from "Swimming School" (a.k.a. "Swim lessons" with the boys. They are stealing our hearts all over again as we watch them be brave each nite as they enter the scary pool! :))

...and the changes come...

2009-03-24T06:40:00.000-07:00

Sweet Baysil is sitting up. It has been a gradual process that started about a month ago when she would get in an ab-crunch type of position and hold her head and feet up whenever on her back. It seemed like she was trying to sit-up. Then she started doing it while holding on to our hands, and then using a toy to steady herself and then yesterday...no hands, nothing!! Just sitting there like a lil' lady, all smiles and a sublte be-bop in the midsection to keep her balance! She can do this for a couple of minutes before she topples over. She also flips from back to stomache, which she did for the first time a week ago and then has done repeatedly ever since. She has found her feet and really LOVES them! This makes diaper changes extra tricky, but we don't mind a bit. These changes are all expected, but miraculous and fascinating nonetheless. What beautiful instinct our Creator gave us! We go for a walk, almost daily, around the block...Baysil has been borrowing Blythe's stroller and the boys push (running) their toy trucks the whole way. I'm sure we are a sight...all of those adorable little people in one place!?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNCLE JOHN!!!!!!

2009-03-13T09:16:00.000-07:00

All of my brother's nephews and his lil' neice are wishing their very missed Uncle a happy 27th birthday today! My bro is a gem. He is one of the most loyal people I have ever met. He is passionate, strong, and brave. He is a free-spirit and loads of fun. My kids ADORE him and miss him always. We were able to spend some time together during the Holiday season and it was such a sweet time. I was amazed at how well my brother managed the troops while Jas and I were able to get out. I came home, after one of those times, to find John sitting on the floor with all of the boys piled on top of him, calmly listening to him read a story. He's supposed to send me some pictures of that visit so we can show them off, and I can't wait! (Hint Hint if you're reading this, John)

John Jacob Reilly, we ALL love you so very much and are beyond grateful for your life today and gift you are to us!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Our Kiah-Berry...

2009-03-11T17:36:00.000-07:00

...that's what we call him. Jas started it and it stuck. So has "Big J" for Justice and "Bo" or "Bo-bear" for Boaz...although neither of them is as frequent as Kiah-Berry.

This kid does things on his own time...often after everyone else quits begging him to try or join in. He is Mr. Independent. From his first steps, he was walking AWAY from us. Boaz and Justice are much more likely to stay close in a crowd...Kiah, he'll take off and wonder where we are later.

He's scrappy (which I have been called several times in my life as well, so I use the word with lots of affection)...He's small, but no push-over by any means. Don't mess with him because he'll put you in your place, even if he can't do it physically. He'll reprimand you and point his finger all the while.

Lately, we've been working on getting him to comply. He's quick to pitch a fit when he has to go to time-out...and that boy will get up a hundred times and be sent back to time-out until Jas or I literally faint. He has an iron-will and a heart of gold. He's a glorious paradox of rebellious and sensitive, loving emotions...

We don't do it right. Each day we fail at this parenthood thing. We've tried a hundred different methods of rewards and consequences...and we've THOUGHT about a million creative ideas that we never have time to expirement with. However, we are doing our best and that helps us feel free. It's hard to worry about how our efforts are perceived when you know in your heart you've given it all you've got and then some. I use to look at other parents and say things like, "My kid will NEVER get away with that." OR "I don't believe in yelling"...etc.

Hmmmmmmmm...let's just say grace is the most amazing thing I've ever experienced!

My beautiful Bo...

2009-03-11T10:55:00.000-07:00

It is such an honor to discovery our children each day. I am well aware of this, even tho I loose my temper from time to time. In the aftermath I find myself amazed that I get to be the one to care for these treasures so personally, intimately, and exhaustingly.

Boaz, Kiah and Justice...so many things run through them that are similar, far beyond their physical features. They are "three peas in a pod", alright. They are interwined and share so many commonalities, all the while being astonishingly different.

At times they all posess a level of confidence that is a bit much! I mean, Justice is the king at correcting me, Boaz can be the bully of the group, and Kiah can defy you until your head spins and pops right off!

Boaz our little small but husky cherub. I often wonder what he sees when he looks in the mirror. My guess??? Hulk Hogan incarnate. Seriously. This child takes physical action that leaves you gasping and giggling. It makes for some great entertainment sometimes as we watch his fearless-self in action. However, we are also searching for every teachable moment we can find to help him harnass that confidence in the best way possible. In turn, his much more mildly-mannered big brother is learning to defend himself and "be brave." It is really cool, actually, the way their differences allow them to hand deliver life lessons to one another.

Boaz...Hulk Hogan...such a sweet surprise to learn about you as you grow!

Yep, this baby girl has 3 big brothers for sure!

2009-03-03T07:14:00.000-08:00

Baysil, Blythe, and the Boys....

2009-02-19T06:21:00.001-08:00

So, the other day I came down stairs and found Blythe sitting (hardly assisted, by the way) at the table with the boys. She's getting to be such a big girl and the boys LOVE her company. She finds them very funny, which only causes them to try even harder to be the silliest and most entertaining. It was such a cute site to behold...the chaos of my 3 boys at the table and sweet Blythe gingerly sitting there taking it all in. PRECIOUS for sure! Where was Baysil, you might ask? She was observing from her Bumbo seat on the side-lines...dreaming of the day she can join in, I'm sure.

You GO girl!

2009-02-19T06:06:00.000-08:00

These pics were taken a week ago already...you should see Baysil on her belly (when she's in the mood, that is :)). She is STRONG and loves to prove it. Her legs pump like crazy while her arms push up until they are fully extended...and then she cranes her head and neck as much as possible before flashy a huge grin! It's priceless.

Other new tricks? She flips over incessantly now IN HER SLEEP, which tends to wake her up. It's really cute, even for her exhausted parents. HOwever, we're hoping it's not a new nite-time trend. She has a special language for her daddy that only he gets out of her and it melts my heart a billion times. She does a special squeel for him, and him only. She has mastered putting things into her mouth and loves to chomp on her entire fist. She has recently shown that she just might get used to that carseat after all (the first 3 plus months of her life she screamed bloody murder whenever she was placed in it!). She LOVES her big brothers, and the feeling is mutual. THe bonding between them continues and I couldn't be more proud of the way my sons care for their sister. They are so gentle and sheerly obsessed with every little things she does. If she gets upset, the reassuring words come flowing triple time..."It's okay baby sister" "I just love you Baysil" "Don't worry Baysil, mommy, daddy and all the brothers are here with you"...it's unreal. I can't get enough of my kids...although, if they started napping at the sametime, I'd find something to do with myself! :)

My Saturday Countdown...

2009-02-07T16:44:00.000-08:00

12 loads of laundry
11 major diaper blow-outs (or blow-ups depending on when you catch it)
10 changes of clothes
9 meals and snacks to prepare and clean-up
8 hours spent trying to clean 3 little rooms, a hallway and a bathroom
7 time-outs
6 members of this crazy family
5 minutes to spare
4 baths to give
3 bed time Bible stories
2 peacefully exhausted parents
1 beautiful day spent together doing the "sacredly mundane"

sigh.

A few of my favorite things...

2009-02-05T04:43:00.000-08:00

Baysil's smile when she is enjoying her mobile in the crib.

The boys playing with their Bamboo branches in the backyard.

Baysil and Blythe discovering eachother.

The way the twins cuddle while watching PBS.

The LONG train the boys and momma built.

My sons hanging out in their Fort.

Baysil's fascination with putting things in her mouth!

Not in any particular order....how could one out-weigh another?

Each day I open my eyes and think, "Lord, I'm so tired. Help me today...I know that I don't want to miss any of this and I could easily do just that. Be my strength." The truth is that the camera helps me embrace and remember. :)

"I want to Marry Uncle Jeff"

2009-02-01T16:44:00.001-08:00

I sat in the recliner tonight rocking with Kiah. Suddenly, it hit me that most of his body was hanging off of me. Where have the days gone when their little bodies fit comfortably in my arms? As we cuddled there together, Kiah looked up at one of the decorations on our bedroom shelf. "What is that Daddy?" He pointed to the bottle with a note inside it that Monica had given Jenni when we got married. I happily answered his question. I truly enjoy sharing the stories of our lives with our boys. A moment later, Kiah responded with, "I want to get married one day, Daddy." "Do you know who you want to marry or would you like to wait and see." First, he decided that he would wait and see, but then only a couple seconds later he changed his mind. "No, I want to marry Uncle Jeff". So, just a heads up Aunt Monica, there's a little competition for your spouse.

Weekend in review...
This was a great weekend-- Fire station on Saturday followed by the park where I walked around with Baysil in the Bjorn and Jenni chased the boys all over (she's the perfect Mom to have 3 boys). In the afternoon Jeff and I went over to the Shepherds to help them move. Today... Church, central Market, and the park. While I was in Central Market, Jenni ended up spending several minutes in the van with the alarm going off. People were looking at her like she was a lunatic, but I had the keys and she was stuck there with all of the kids. It eventually went off. You'll have to hear the story from her. The weather's been amaze and we're loving the outdoors every chance we get.

Anyway, Jenni and I are closing up the weekend with a furried attempt to finish all of the things we hoped to accomplish.

Big Girl Bath Time

2009-01-27T07:22:00.000-08:00

Baysil is getting so big...I can feel it in my biceps! She has rolls galore and smiles a thousand times a day. She also has food allergies (it seems) and a seemingly constant gassy stomache which forces her to screaming 2 thousand times a day. We're hoping to try something new soon and see if there is a reflux issue that can be helped. Anyway, we all 5 ADORE her and are enjoying her changes. Yesterday she turned over TWICE! Once in the morning and once at night...shocking both us and herself. Her coos and killer smile indicated she was as proud as we are. I caught some of her chub on camera this a.m. during bath time and had to share it because I know that the Grandparents will eat it up! :)

life, camera, action....

2009-01-27T07:14:00.001-08:00

So, here you have a window inside our little life the last few days. Sunday afternoon craziness with 5 kids, 2 dogs, 4 adults and a big area rug...hanging out together. Then you'll see my backyard boyz; Boaz' shoe came off and he was determined to get it back on himself...which he did! Meanwhile, Justice and Kiah were pretending that their Bamboo branches were weights and they were "x-rrrr-sizing" with them by pumping them up and down over their head! Blythe has found a new past-time = holding Baysil's hand! It chokes me up to imagine what they will oneday mean to eachother. They don't have to be best friends, but they have to love one another and this living situation will gaurantee that they have the chance to do that at their best and worst. Kinda-gets-ya...

A little perspective for me (Courtesy of Sara Groves)

2009-01-21T12:16:00.001-08:00

Spending my time sleep walking
Moving my mouth but not saying a thing
Hoping the changes would take by working their way from the outside in
I was in love with an idea
Preoccupied with how a life should appear
Spending my time at the surface repairing the holes in the shiny veneer

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

I'm going to live my life inspired
Look for the holy in the common place
Open the windows and feel all that's honest and real until I'm truly amazed
I'm going to feel all my emotions
I'm going to look you in the eyes
I'm going to listen and hear until it's finally clear and it changes our lives

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

Oh the glory of God is man fully alive
Oh the glory of God is man fully alive

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

energized....

2009-01-19T18:25:00.000-08:00

...that's the best word to describe my heart tonite. This past weekend was wonderful with a fantastic visit with Grandpa and Grandma Reilly to a community celebration of MLK's life. My last entry was written from a weary place...a place I'm sure I'll arrive at over and over again.I want the rawness of our simple and exhausting life to be captured. Each time I grow tired I will learn different things and come to more fully accept my need for Christ to do His good work. He shows up in many ways...through the love of others and nature are two of my favorites to experience.

Here's a few shots from the MLK parade and the picnic that followed, along with a few other random shots.

growing pains...

2009-01-15T11:44:00.001-08:00

Well, today I'm just tired. I have circles under my eyes and my tank of patience is running low. I love my kids and my little life with them...but, I also love sleeping 8 hours a nite, eating when i'm hungry rather than 2 hours later, going to the bathroom alone, running an errand or two when necessary, oh...and silence once in a while.

We haven't quite figured out our little routine yet here...me and my kids. There are some things that seem to happen everyday right now, but mostly out of survival rather than intentional routine. In the mornings, the boys tear apart the play room upstairs in our area while I feed Baysil two doors down. She eats often in the mornings and tends to take a nap right when Bo and Kiah are in need for a diaper change and the backyard is calling their names "Justice, Kiah, Boaz...come run around wild and free out here...as soon as your mommy can get all of your coats, shoes, and hats on." Sounds like it might be great that Baysil falls asleep around then. Small problem...she won't sleep unless I'm carrying her. Thankufully, we have the Bjorn. However, it's kind-of like being 12 months pregnant...I have to stand a good foot or so away from the changing table while I change each of the twins diapers. Sitting down to zip up their coats is a delicate process, etc. While i'm working with one of them, the other two often manage to get in a spat which is so normal, healthy, and maddening at times. Their little squabble will wake Baysil up and at that point she decides she's ravenous. OR she poops and then wants immediate relief from that discomfort (who wouldn't?). Moving on...

Once the boys are outside, I get something to eat (and I'm usually starving). While doing this, I am keeping my eyes glued to the back yard trying to make sure all stay out of harms way. I have such mixed feelings when they are in the back yard. I love watching them exlpore and listen to them through the windows as they talk to each other like little adults. It's hard though. I can't really be out there with them like before...and, I don't feel a real break from the responsibility of them. I feel more on gaurd because I can't see or here all that is going on. Without fail, someone comes to the back door yelling my name as soon as I sit down to feed Baysil. I"m nursing her, so it makes me a bit immobile...however, I've quickly learned to carry her around without disrupting her eating to manage whatever is going on with my boys. It's quite a challenge, though, to not get weary of it all in these moments.

Then there's lunch, which we have planned the nite before in order to make sure everyone eats. This has been a life-saver. The boys come in and are able to take their shoes & coats off, and wash their hands with limited assistance. However, they DO need assistance keeping their hands to themselves and their curiosities under-wraps (they love to grap things off the counters and tables...anything that looks like it's not supposed to be a toy...and if you don't watch, look-out!!). Finally, all are seated and eating. Usually, Baysil is crying by now because she needs her diaper changed. As I am changing her, I hear several complaints that I forgot their drinks. This is ligitimate...i mean, we all like to drink while we eat. However, I start to feel stressed...like there are so many needs to be met and it all falls on my shoulders.

After lunch, I try to clean up while Baysil chills in the bouncy seat for a few minutes...then, she gets impatient, so I put her in the Bjorn. That will get us a fw more minutes. Around this time, i can sniff out the 3 year old poopy diapers and start asking who did it. Of course, NO ONE is the usual answer. So, I have to investigate...wait, I need to finish cleaning up.

A little free play takes us to story time which precedes the nap. We all bounce up the steps with lots of friendly reminders about not playing on the stairs, or following directions and heading up the steps, etc. We get up there and Baysil is starving, but Boaz is already on the changing table. I put her in the crib with the mobile going and she calms down for a minute while i change the twins diapers at the speed of light. Then I ask the boys to all pick out books while i wash my hands and go to the bathroom (each of them bursting in to show me what that picked). Baysil has now lost it, so I grab her, sit in the boys room and start feeding her with one arm and reading a book with the other arm...trying to show pictures and referee the fighting over space issues or apparant blocked vision to the pictures in the book.
The next book comes and Baysil is done, so we try to include her in story-time in the Bumbo seat which she is cool with for a few minuts. By the third book she's just tired and so I try to hold her on one shoulder and bounce while reading the 3rd book to be fair. Then they all get in their beds and I sing while I sway with Baysil. Once they drift off, I head to my room and try to put her down. She doesn't like it, but I keep trying until I see that today isn't the day. I pick her up, get in the recliner and "relax" with her on my chest. At this point i pick up the computer...

Thank goodness for the computer. It is a little peice of the outside world since I pretty much stay home 5 days a week...LITERALLY. I go nowhere these days and I really look forward to feeling like i can take all of the kids places with me...the park, the play area at the mall, etc. I don't care if it takes us all morning to load up...we all need a change of scenary now and then. At this moment, I'm not that brave.

Everyone wakes up in about an hours...then, it's the same thing...feeding Baysil, changing the twins, reminding Justice to go potty, getting snacks to all of them, etc. I've been trying to do a craft with them 3 or so times a week, which has been an awesome addition to our days. I wanted to take some pictures of the things they've done so I could remember and repeat it all someday when baysil is older. But, it just hasn't happened. Anyway, once Jas gets home...it's marathon take 2.

Dinner...what will the boys eat, I eat (Baysil is intolerant of soy and dairy and I'm a vegetarian = TRICKY!!). It's a race getting all the food made, ingested and cleaned up in time for picking up the toy explosion that happened during the day, quadruple bath time, Bible stories, breathing treatments, sleep. Then Jas and I prepare for the next day; make lunches, get out craft supplies, shower, set clothes out, put away laundry (EVERY nite we have some sitting out), feed Baysil again...swaddle her and hope she rests in the bassinet. Sometime around 12 or so, when we've slept a few hours but are up again to take care of Baysil and remind the twins that it is not play time (they have been getting up a few times every night for the last week)...I look at Jason and say, "How was your day?"

Today, I was cleaning up the dishes from lunch an Justice came sauntering up. I felt annoyed right away and had no reason to. I guess I just wanted a minute to zone out or something. He said, "Mommy, what are you doing?" I replied, in an irritated voice, "What am I doing? YOu know what I"m doing. What am I doing, Justice?" He looked at me, real serious and said, "Just cleaning up." I sighed and said, "Don't ask me questions if you know the answer, okay? Why do you do that?" He looked at me with beautiful brown eyes and said, "Oh, because I just like talking to you mommy."

I knelt down in front of him and hugged him really hard. I hate my human nature and I love the grace that can cover my ugliness. I really like talking to Justice, too.

It's not perfect over here. I'm writing about this not so much to share it with anyone, but rather to remember. To see where we've been when we have grown and to remind myself to choose patience and love...again, and again, and again...

Where is Justice?? Boys will be boys...

2009-01-11T19:17:00.001-08:00

The boys are in a whole new world when it comes to mischief. I mean, it's almost happened overnite. They went from waddling around with great instability finding tons of entertainment in inanimate objects...to laughing at eachother making fake burping noises, hiding in toy bins and closets, finding ways to include the words "butt" and "poopy" in random sentences,and not being content until one of them goes flying through the air colliding with another each day. They are such a handful. Yet, they are also incredible people who teach us daily about grace, simplicity, and love. Without warning Boaz now professes his love for us which will absolutely dissolve you. Kiah acts so defiant until he sees you sad or frustrated, then he has a breakdown and wants only to hold you. Justice is astounding with his memory for detail and shows us great love by recalling the smallest acts of kindness he remembers us doing for him that apparantly made a huge impact. Here they are in all of their glory...

Baysil and the Bumbo

2009-01-11T19:05:00.001-08:00

100 anticipations...

2009-01-09T06:20:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine asked us to come up with 100 goals for the New Year. After reading hers, I was inspired and excited to dream for myself. I'd rather call them "anticipations" rather than "goals" because it gives me the freedom let them change and evolve as I go throughout this year unaware of what it holds. From where I stand today...here are 100 things I anticipate and hope to accomplish.

1.) Properly introduce my children to the mountains
2.) Start camping again (we haven't gone since having kids...they are so ready now)
3.) Pierce my eyebrow because I've always wanted too (Jas can vouch for that!)
4.) Give in to the chaos
5.) Let the play room be a mess
6.) Relax
7.) Climb up on Justice's top bunk more
8.) Get the giggles
9.) Surprise my husband
10.) Simplify continuously...give clothes, toys, shoes, etc. away
11.) Befriend someone who can't give back the same way
12.) Find our new routine
13.) Include a work-out plan in my new routine
14.) Let go
15.) Embrace the roles I'm in and leave behind the ones of old
16.) make-believe
17.) Remember to bring my reusable shopping bags
18.) Pick up my homeopathic research hobby again
19.) Pretend to be an airplane
20.) Fall asleep on a blanket in the park...with the love of my life
21.) See pictures in the clouds
22.) Play on the swings
23.) Plant some herbs outside our window sill
24.) Start a garden behind the garage
25.) Learn (at least START LEARNING) how to sew
26.) Cook with my kids
27.) Go on lots of dates
28.) Kiss Jason more & more
29.) Write letters
30.) Organize our pictures
31.) Persue
32.) Cook lots of meals for others (because I've been on the receiving end A LOT)
33.) Color pictures
34.) Have lots of people in our home to share food and fellowship
35.) whisper in the dark
36.) Re-visit my old nightly ritual of hot herbal tea before bed
37.) Make Sushi
38.) Celebrate
39.) listen
40.) Keep singing
41.) Play volleyball in the sand
42.) Become a better swimmer
43.) Practice speaking Spanish
44.) Take the boys to Mexico
45.) Get in touch with the birth-father
46.) Send him lots of pictures
47.) Love when it hurts
48.) Love when it's hard
49.) Love because I'm loved...period.
50.) Take long bike rides (ahhh...I dreamt of them when I was preggo)
51.) Play more board games with our house-mates
52.) Get way beyond being fantastic co-habitors
53.) Go to FL so my Grandma can meet Baysil
54.) Dance with Jason
55.) Climb a tree for my boys
56.) Eat more plantains b/c I love them & rarely make them
57.) Pray in community
58.) Sacrifice
59.) Get to know someone who doesn't have a home
60.) Run through the sprinkler
61.) Have the kids make art for the walls in our house
62.) Write it down
63.) Take more videos
64.) Reflect
65.) Use a calm voice to intervene
66.) Play ultimate frisbee because Jason LOVES it
67.) Paint with Boaz
68.) Laugh in the moment rather than afterwards
69.) Be creative
70.) Take a road trip
71.) Have a 407 reunion
72.) Finish all of my Thank You notes
73.) Keep trying
74.) Listen to more of my music
75.) smell Baysil incessantly so I won't forget
76.) Forget
77.) Forgive
78.) Figure out mobilility with 4 kiddos
79.) Learn
80.) Practice reading maps
81.) Balance
82.) Dream
83.) Savor each day
84.) Memorize more scripture
85.) Take more baths
86.) stretch
87.) learn how to make tamales
88.) invest in some great vegan chocolate
89.) read fiction novels again
90.) Picnic in the front yard
91.) fall asleep watching a movie while snuggling with Jason
92.) Read more to Kiah one-on-one
93.) get craftier :)
94.) remember
95.) sleep
96.) Train for a race (either running or biking)
97.) Pick the lemons on our tree before they go bad and bring them to the co-op
98.) Spend time alone
99.) Explore a new part of Houston
100.) "Embrace The Moments"

Baysil and Boaz bonding...

2009-01-02T15:18:00.000-08:00

bragging

2008-12-31T10:56:00.000-08:00

our kids are the cutest!! now, I have to run we're hosting a party tonight, picking up relatives from out of town at the airport & juggling the cute children...somehow it will all get pulled off!

Christmas and Children...a sacred combination.

2008-12-30T18:08:00.000-08:00

This year we decided to pass out some cookies at an assisted living center near our home on Christmas morning. The boys wore their santa hats and brought smiles to everyone they passed handing them a bag of cookies. Being the time-bomb that we are whenever we are in public together we had to head to the car before we had emptied our cookie supply. Once driving back home, we decided to go towards the bridge by our house where we know the homeless often hang-out. Sure enough, we found some lonely people there and handed out our cookies. Kiah handed out one of the bags and said, "Merry Christmas" while making eye contact and flashing his huge dimple smile. He was so free to speak to this man and it challenged me. I want to preserve that openess and loving spirit. Children are so willing to care for others without the judgement and predjudices that come with time. Then, as we drove away...Boaz asked why that man was lonely and standing outside. We told him that he didn't have a home to go to because some people are homeless. Suddenly, his eyes filled up with tears and they began to fall down his face. He said, "That makes me sad" and I choked up instantly. How beautiful. What Christ-like compassion my sons have. I want it to make me sad to see a lonely person without a home...and it often does. Yet, Bo was driven to tears over it. Merry Christmas...Christ has come...and He has marked us with His compassion, He has changed us with His justice, and He has called us with His grace to share the healing and redemption He offers...

Our day was slow-paced, simple, and full of meaning. "My whole life, was turned around, I was lost, but now I'm found...a baby changes everything." Happy Birthday baby Jesus...

Celebration of life...

2008-12-24T17:39:00.001-08:00

It's been an amazing week of togetherness...buidling fires and snuggling, sweet visits from friends, checking out the "beautiful lites" with our boys who have wonder in their eyes, getting out of the house together and making a scene wherever we go, Baysil smiling and screaming and sleeping and eating without any warning or patterns, the boys taking pride in being big brothers and doing an amazing job of it, sharing giggles with our sons as we start to really appreciate one another's humor, bonding in our new "normalcy", loving the grown up conversations the boys can have if you let them, talking in the middle of the nite because we're all up, the birth story of Christ becoming so simple and profound, making deeper connections with our church community, sharing Advent with them and eachother...just being together is so good.

Mommas in Da Houz (and lots of pictures to prove it!)

2008-12-17T13:14:00.000-08:00

Monica and I have the joy and burden of staying at home with our kids and two dogs each day. The joy over-flows constantly as we share the load that comes with nurturing and meeting the needs of the 5 cutest kids ever. It is a struggle at times to meet the demands of mundane tasks that require all of our energies. I know that it would be so much harder for me to manage my kids (making up 4 of those 5) each day without the relief that Monica's presence brings. Beautiful Blythe, her daughter, is growing so fast and is much more fun to the boys at 7 months than their 6 week old sister. Yesterday Blythe learned how to sit-up on her own, and the boys were so excited that she sat in the playroom with them...that they decided to put all of their toys at her feet. She was happy as could be as she watched them go to their toy bins and return with everything in it for her to play with. Monica was on duty trying to keep things out of Blythe's smiling mouth as I snapped away pictures. Simple moments where you can see the love between our kids warms my heart so much. They will learn so many things from sharing their days together...and I will (have) as well. We're gonna make it after all...

Today the high was to be 58 degrees and our climatized bodies required heavy coats to play in the back yard. The boys are irresistable in them, don't you think?? Then their was the monumental moment yesterday when Baysil wore her first pair of jeans. Then, when she spit up and I had to change her, I propped her up in the recliner so it looks like she learned to sit as well (not really :)).So cute. Lots of life happening here...not lots of sleep, but lots of life!

Aunt Monica had fun with the camera today...yeah!!!

2008-12-17T12:46:00.000-08:00

Reconnecting...

2008-12-14T07:53:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a big day for our family. We attempted to run errands together as a group of 6. Well, after returning to the house 4 times to get things we forgot to take with us, we were on our way by 11:00 a.m. (only 3 hours after we started getting ready to go)! The boys were SO SO patient which earned them a treat at Whole Foods. Baysil on the other hand, well, that girl has opinions (like her mama) and strong ones at that (like her mama :))! She SCREAMED out of control every time she was in the car seat. I mean, she never threw in the towel, rather she continued to increase her communication volume with us. It was torture to sit in the front and know that holding her would solve the issue, but we were on the high-way. Eventually, we were able to tune it out and resolve our own hearts to believing that she was OKAY and that we had to let her cry or we'd never get to the store. So, our 20 minute commute felt like an eternity. The big brothers were amazing as they kept saying "it's okay baby Baysil. don't cry...we're almost there. we're going to get a treat!"...They are TOO CUTE!

We made it home after getting to 2 of our original 3 destinations. At home we did a quick turn around and headed to a hotel where some great friends of ours were passing through the city. I fell in love with 2 kids I baby-sat for years ago; Major and Faith. They will forever be so dear to my heart. I hadn't seen them in about 5 years and boy had they changed! Their parents are amazing people and have always been loving to me. Jas and I felt so thankful for the chance to let them meet our kids and to spend an evening together. Major and Faith are incredible young people...this much is obvious. Ron and Michelle continue to exude warmth and love. The boys were in heaven swimming and eating cookies and pizza...(two treats in one day!). Although I could hardly keep my eyes open at some points (sleep deprivation continues), my heart was over-flowing!

We've made some breakthroughs with Baysil too. She's slept in her bassinet a few times the last couple of nights and Jas and I actually slept simultaneously again for a couple of hours at a time. She'll be 6 weeks old tomorrow and we can tell she is getting more used to life outside the womb. She doesn't jerk herself awake as much and she loves to get her arms and legs pumping like crazy when she lays on her back. She enjoys looking at the mobile above her bassinet now and doesn't cry simply because she's uncomfortable or hungry...but now she also cries (SCREAMS) to tell you she is just not happy. Although, her beautiful smiles have also increased. I almost caught one on film when she was getting a bath with Daddy the other night. We love our kids...

What's this all about?

2008-12-11T16:34:00.000-08:00

Lately we've been thinking through the way we acknowledge Jesus on His birthday. We are challenged each year more deeply as we grow in our initmacy with the Lord. This celebration is not about us, it's not about our sons or our new daughter...it's not about American traditions surrounding this "Holiday Season"...it's about the humble birth of our Savior that ended in a brutal sacrifice and miraculous ressurection and life. I wonder if someone who had no knowledge of that looked in our window on Christmas morning would get it. Would a completely naive individual watch our celebration and think, "Wow. This must be about a Savior. This must be about sacrifice and redemption. This is obviously about loving each other without condition and being extremely concerned with the least of these." Ouch. It hurts me to think about the answer.

We are trying, each year, to get it a little more right. Our children are such instruments in our education as they reveal their child-like faith to us. They have each picked out some of their toys to give to children without because it makes Jesus so happy when we share and love each other. Although it suprised them at first that Jesus wouldn't want his own new shiny toy for His birthday...they quickly got it. Their generosity sprung forth and I found myself saying "Hey, maybe not that toy...I mean, you just got that for your birthday and you use it a lot." Whoops. Giving the way Jesus taught us requires sacrifice...it FEELS like you are giving up something special or important...it should not be painless. That's the point. I love how my kids teach me and I love thier hearts.

They are learning the words to "Away in a Manger" and have asked why Jesus had "no crib for a bed?"...or "Why he sleeps on the hay"? Whoah. As I speak of Christ's humble entrance into the world from our boys' fully furnished room in our beautiful home, it hits me how far we have to go. I rejoice in the freedom that comes with grace and am compelled. We are trying to really simplify our celebration and embrace the sacred and the holy things that this time of year are about. It is a good journey.

All that being said, here's some pics of the boys in their "Christmas Hats" ...they don't even know who Santa is or that he wears hats like this...but, let's all be honest; they are SO FREAKING ADORABLE wearing them!! Then there's Baysil sporting a bib from Aunt Kristin & a headband from Grandma Laurie...ridiculously cute, eh? plus, a shot of our first family outing @ FADI'S Mediterranean Restaurant